“Sir, every time I turn around…she’s there.”
You don’t say?
“This is serious sir. I think she’s stalking me.”
Don’t you think your exaggerating just the least bit Ablo, after all—
“When I come home from work, she’s there. When I look out the window I see her out there taking my paper or snooping about the potato garden. I go to a restaurant, she follows me. I try to watch a ballgame on the television, but I can feel her presence. Every single day, somewhere, somehow, I see her.”
You’ll have that sometimes, you see—
“Isn’t there something that can be done sir? You’re practically our supreme leader…can’t you do something?”
Ablo, what is it that you want me to do? Do you want to have her killed? Is that what you’re asking? Do you want me to have secret service take her out?
“Yes, the last thing you said…have secret service take her out!”
You want them to kill your wife?
“No! Sir, don’t be ridiculous! It’s just that she’s driving me crazy. Six months ago I was single. I could do what I wanted when I wanted. Now I can’t even take a gore without her interrupting. I can’t have a cup of tea without her asking me how my day went. I just need some alone time. For Gork’s sake, please have someone from secret service take her out. I don’t even care if they shtup her. Just get her out of my hair for one day. Please.”
You’re not taking to this whole marriage thing too well, are you Ablo?
“With all due respect sir, you brought this marriage custom to Mars…if you ever go home…please take it back with you!
I’ll see what I can do.
“Does this marriage thing work well where you come from sir?”
Oh, goodness yes. It works wonderfully…errrr, that is, about fifty percent of them time.
“What do you do when it doesn’t work?”
We submit both parties to the worst kind of torture there is.
“You water-board them? Electrocute them? Hang them on hooks by their genitalia?”
No Ablo…much worse. We give them each an attorney and they bleed them both dry.
“Doesn’t sound so bad sir. Does it hurt worse than marriage?”
Stings for a bit…but it beats the alternative.
“Life in prison eh?”
Something like that.
YOU ARE READING
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Humorblog blog...is a daily social/political satirical story of the author's life after landing on the planet Mars. He introduces American social and political dynamics to the Martians and changes the way they see their world. No public policy, party o...
