Brokenhearted (a Taylor Caniff fanfic )

Chapter 2

The plane ride seemed to go on forever. This was my first time on a plane and I was not enjoying it. My stomach felt as if it was in my chest. I was liable to pass out or be sick again at any moment. I wasn't quite sure which, maybe both. I put the paper bag I had been using for the past hour up to my face and began to take slow deep breathes. A few moments later the pilot announced that we would be landing in ten minutes.

Thank God.

I looked over to see Haley fast asleep in the seat next to me. I placed my hand on her shoulder and began shaking her awake.

"Haley wake up! we're about to land." Her eyes fluttered open and she looked around at her surroundings.

"What time is it" she asked rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"I'm not sure" I replied. "We're in a different time zone."

___________________________

We made our way to the street our bags in hand. Neither one of us knew where the hotel was from here. I pulled up the gps on my phone and began searching the address she had given me.

"Oh my god!" I groaned. "Its like an hour and a half away."

I just wanted to get to the hotel and lock myself up in a room until it was time for the events. I just wanted to be away from the world. I have so much I have to figure out. Like where I'm gonna go after here for starters. I can't stay in California. I have some money, but not near enough to survive in California. I have to figure something out and fast.

I just need my blade. My blade was always there to comfort me. My blade was exactly what I needed to get my release. My release of pain, agony, stress. It may only last for a few moments but those few moments of release help. So many people don't understand why I do it but the truth is unless you've self harmed before, unless you've walked that path then no you don't understand. And you won't understand. Unless you've been there, no matter how much I try to explain it. You just won't understand.

I crawled in the cab Haley had called for us and laid my head against the window. Taking in all the beauty of California it was truly beautiful. The sun was shining so bright, Palm trees at every corner, People laughing as they walked up and down the street. Everyone looked so happy here.... I can remember when I use to be happy, before my world came crumbling down, before everything that use to make sense just didn't make sense anymore.

I can remember those Sundays we'd wake up, go to church, and then come home and have a BBQ with the whole family. I can remember playing baseball in the yard with my dad while my mom sat in a lawn chair reading a book and laughing at how foolish my father and I were acting. Those were the days. I didn't have to worry about wether the bills had been paid, or if my mother was strung out, what kind of drugs she had been taking, if I was going to get beaten, if I was going to come home to an empty house, I didnt have to worry about any of those things. How did things end up so bad ? what went wrong ? why did my daddy leave me ? was I that terrible to be around ? my mom was right. It was my fault for what he did. I wasn't a good enough daughter.

A tear escaped from my eye as these thoughts ran through my mind. I didn't stop them either, I just let them fall. Tear after tear after tear.

I saw a hand reach my thigh, I looked over to see Haley smiling at me, an 'everything will be okay' look plastered on her face. I close my eyes and leaned back on the head rest and before I knew it I had drifted off into a much needed sleep.

___________________________

I grabbed the last of our bags as Haley went to talk to the lady at the desk and get our room keys. She came jogging back to where I was standing. She had the biggest smile in her face.