We Are Stars | OLD DRAFT

Chapter Thirty-One: The Only Boy Awake

Two Years Ago...

"Nyc, calm down."

"Calm down? How the hell am I supposed to calm down?" I pace back and forth across my bedroom floor. My fingers grip fiercely to my head, hoping to rip and tear out every single thought and memory until I'm practically braindead. At least I won't have to worry about the millions of problems that I have just caused if I were stuck in my own body for the rest of my life, however long that may be.

Fire combusts in my throat and I feel as if I'm going to be sick. I force myself to sit down on my bed next to Noah, his hand already gliding across my back. "It's going to be okay. Just give her some time to blow off some steam," he says.

I shake my head in denial. "No, you don't understand. She's furious with me. And at this point, I don't blame her. She has every right to want to ruin my life," I exclaim, meaning every single word. I think back to yesterday and the awful fight that broke out between Olivia and I. The amount of anger in her eyes was more than I ever could picture. She thought that she could trust me, that I was the one person that she could tell anything to. Instead, I was the one person that screwed her over the most. No amount of apologies and favors can fix that.

The only people in the house are Noah and I, therefore it would be safe for me to scream and hollar all I want. Dad is at work, my mom had to run some errands, and both of my brothers are at a party. The one person I have is Noah, now the only friend I have.

"Rowen, I think you have to tell Darian the truth," he says next to my ear.

My head shakes violently as a few tears fall from my eyes. "No, he cannot know. No one can ever know."

"Things have changed now, Nyc. Olivia already knows what happened between you and Darian, and the longer you keep up this charade, the worse the downfall is going to hurt. I mean, look at you." I glance down and place a hand over my stomach. Every day, my baby bump is getting bigger and bigger, and it's getting even more difficult to hide underneath layers of extra-large sweatshirts. He's right. I can't keep this up. "You and I both know that Darian is going to find out sooner than later. At some point, you are going to have this baby, and everyone is going to know," he explains broadly.

Facing the hard truth has officially become a battle. No matter how much I wish that everything will go back to the way it was, it's never going to happen. My life is never going to be the same again, and I have to accept that. Otherwise, I'll die.

I can't keep building my life off of so many lies and so pounds of deception. I have to do something now before the people around me are forced to accept the pain that is rightfully mine. I need to take control of my life again, even if that means staring the truth in the eye and daring it to strike in full force.

"You have to go," my voice creeks, small yet quick breaths of air slightly pushing the small strands of hair that hang in front of my face.

"What?"

"You have to go," I repeat more quickly.

Noah's palm only grows in security as it rests upon my back. "What the hell are you talking about?" he asks. I shift my shoulders, causing his hand to fall, and I arise from the mattress. I feel his eyes follow me as I make my way across the room, eyes filled with nothing but sincerity and worry. I walk towards my desk with my grey hoodie rests on the arm of the desk chair, already wrapping it around my body and inserting my arms into the sleeves. After adjusting my hair and grabbing my purse, he asks, "Where do you think you're going?"

"I'm going to fix this. I'm fixing everything."

"How exactly are you planning on doing that?" he asks. My head feeling as if it may explode from all of his questions, but I can't let them throw me off course. If I'm actually going to do this, Noah can't be with me to get in my way. He won't even know about my actions until it is too late. No one will know.