jeongguk should be happy. that's what his mother tells him, after his father has so graciously given him another beating. that's what his poor mother sobs through teary eyes, trying to keep a smile on her face as she cups her son's cheek, as if she could wipe the rapidly forming bruises away with the gentle swipe of her thumb.
jeongguk is sad.
he acknowledges that revelation without contempt, accepting it and embracing it.
in a suit, he stands tall, shoulders outlined perfectly in the sleek black fabric. he fills it out, the tailored cuffs almost unbearable, yet still careful that there isn't any purple blotches visible showing under the expensive foundation his mother meticulously covers his skin in.
but as soon as he is home from whatever charity gala or event that his father forced him to go to, he pulls on one of his soft t-shirts and just lays down on his bed. his shoulders sag and his breath leaves him all in one whoosh, feeling the muscles in his back unwind.
when he dresses for himself, he doesn't care when his father looks at him in displeasure, upper lip curled in an ugly sneer. all he cares about is the way that he can curl up in his own space, hands picking idly at the collar of his shirt as he chews his bottom lip. it's comfortable, and safe, and makes him feel small.
a different kind of small, of course.
when he feels small around his father, it is because there is spit flying into his face from the ferocity and proximity of the man's anger. he is jabbing a finger into his chest and pushing him back roughly with every word until his back hits the wall of the foreboding office, and finding himself with nowhere to run he is forced to stand there and take the verbal abuse thrown at him.
but when he is alone, soft light being emitted from the overly expensive lamp in the corner of his room, he treasures the feeling of being able to curl into thick, warm sheets and lie there, no obligations and no fears for just a few hours.
he loved her in april, when winds were close to frightening in the humid weather.
enormous, foreboding clouds rolled over the distance and covered the landscape in a soft grey light, making everything seem soft and fuzzy.
jeongguk was waiting for it to rain.
he wanted it to rain one last time so that he could feel the droplets on his face, burning paths into his skin and tattooing his final moments on earth onto his lips.
but fate had different plans, and as the first beads of rain intertwined with the strands of his delicate hair, he felt himself being yanked harshly from the edge of the building he was teetering on.
his first reaction was shock, and then disappointment; he was going to land on his daddy's jaguar, ruin something that man loved along the way.
and then he registered the shaking arms embracing his limp form, the soft noises of despair leaking from her lips. he heard her whisper prayers into his neck, and he wasn't sure if the burning on his neck was because of their proximity or the shame and embarrassment that of all the people who could have caught him trying to kill himself, it was the one who he actually cared about the most.
he barely comprehended a soft 'i love you, please don't leave me,' before guilt overcame him.
"of course, i'm sorry. it won't happen again."
and then he allowed himself to cry, rocking back and forth in her arms as they got soaked in the rain, neither willing to let go first. (they ended up both getting sick, but it was worth being able to take care of each other.)
it seemed like she was always there the most when it rained, when april showers brought sweet smells from the earth, and when frigid hail and snow pattered incessantly against his roof.
"don't your parents worry that you're always at my house?"
it was dark outside, but it was morning. the rain clouds were casting gloomy shadows across the king sized bed, and as he gently stroked the skin on the underside of her forearm, he fell a bit more in love with the way she sighed and leaned into his touch, her soft hair tickling his neck.
"all the time. they think you're paying me to sleep with you." she laughed, but it was more like a succession of soft breaths hitting his chest.
he smiled, stroking her cheek in slight awe. with the rain being their background music, he felt like this was heaven; being wrapped around his whole world, protecting her from the dangers and selfishness of the outside.
offhandedly, he wondered if she would be so opposed to just staying here with him forever, making friends with the maids and hiding from his father, taking joyrides in daddy's lambos and bmw's off into the highway, singing to songs that only they know, making love under the cover of night.
his thoughts were broken off when she pushed him onto his back and straddled his waist, leaning down so that her hair created a curtain around his face and all he could focus of was her twinkling eyes, so dark in the dim lighting, and the feeling of her lips when she pressed them against his lovingly. he eagerly reciprocated, hands flying to grasp her hips, her own fingers tangling in his silky locks.
"we should run away," she murmured later on, when they were lounging on the tangled sheets, her body languidly stretched over his.
she brought this up a lot; about talking to the police, the press, finding anyone who would be insensitive to bribes to help jeongguk escape his father's hold. it was plausible. his father would lose his fortune and jeongguk and his mother would attain the business that his grandparents had worked so hard to build.
but then he would be subject to the leadership position, and he certainly wouldn't be able to spend his days lazing around his room with the person he loved the most, shaken out of his melancholy state for at least the few hours that she holds his hand.
jeongguk laces his fingers with hers, and finds that he doesn't want to let go anytime soon.
"yeah," he responds, hiding his yawn with a hand. "we should."
jeongguk decides that it's okay to be sad.
✨
a/n i swear i was working on a beauty and the beast au and then i dreamt abt this and couldn't resist.
sad jeongguk is such a concept it makes me so sad but its raining here so now u know where my inspo came from lmao
-Yejin
