Glass Wall

Chapter 51

Last night with Harry really helped me understand more about what he's going through. Obviously, there is always more to learn but I'm glad he opened up just a little.

You also have to consider the fact he was talking about the gang association. If he was talking about his family I think he would've been much more secretive. I still have to find out a lot about Harry but I'm willing to wait.

He talked about why he's a player and it really opened my eyes to why he did some of those things. I never realized he was preventing himself from having to go through something terrible. Usually people don't look at being a player as being something good because you're using girls. As a result you create trustworthy problems with that person but in the end it was Harry who had those problems. You can't blame him though.

Despite the fact that he did tell me his motives it doesn't really change the fact that I'm still slightly uneasy with the idea of him having touched all these girls. He did of course follow through with being a player and used these girls for his benefits. He didn't care for them because he didn't want either of them to get hurt. There's always that voice at the back of my head telling me to be careful and to watch out because of Harry's past. He could always just be using me too and then dump me when he believes that he'll get hurt. Then would I blame him? I don't know...

Also, thinking about Harry sleeping with all those girls gets me really jealous. I know I can't change the past but just knowing...

He obviously pleased them to no end because Jane is always all over him. All the other girls he was with didn't mind that he used them because he was so good and knew what he was doing. Ugh that gives me the creeps. Then there are those very few who end up thinking he's an asshole but won't deny the fact that he was their best. Gross. I absolutely hate thinking about it because I really get worked up about him touching all these girls and these girls touching him.

On another note...so I don't lose my sanity...

Harry was able to describe a little bit about his gang. He told me the motives of the leaders and I understand why they recruit and force innocent people to join. It's terrible, disgusting, gruesome... But you can't change the way things work.

I wonder what Harry's job is in his gang. He tells me he's in one but I haven't been able to figure out what he does. Liam told me he's part of the skulls but how did he become apart of that gang? Also, when does he have the time to work? Probably at night... because usually he's at school or a lot of the times at night he's with me. Some nights I don't see him so I'm assuming it's then.

If I think about it I didn't know what Justin did either. I didn't know when he worked but I always assumed it was at night.

I'm curious... but is this curiosity a good kind? Or will it kill the cat...

I sit at the table eating cereal. I stare off into the open as I let my mind wander. I wear yoga pants that I pulled on when I got up and a tight tank top. My hair is left loose in long waves and I didn't bother putting on make up because I was too lazy. It's only ten in the morning which means I have two hours to get ready.

I don't really know what we're doing today. All he told me was to be ready at noon.

When I finish my cereal I put my dishes in the dishwasher and head upstairs to brush my teeth. I stare at myself in the mirror as I get ready.

I wear no make up. This look is usual for me. I generally don't put make up on because I'm too lazy to get up earlier. What can I say? I like my sleep. My hair hasn't been brushed but it doesn't look too bad. It flows past my shoulders just above my stomach in long waves. Could I get away with not brushing my hair? I don't want to loose the long waves my hair made after air drying last night. I decide to leave it as it is.