my heart...

I dont matter

I'm the in between
People love the beginning of a story
And they look at the end to see growth
But who cares about the journey
When it's only the filler to see the end result?

I'm needed to make others shine show
The oldest is the most responsible, smart, and just that- the first
The youngest is cool, funny, and the last of the milestones
But who cares about the middle child
When they're only the filler used to make the younger child appear?

I'm the listener
The talker gets to have a personality
The doer gets to appear great and bold
But who cares about the observer
When they are only used to tell the stories of the "loud" and "great"?

I care
I'm sad
No one can see
And no one really understands me

I'm the one that people are proud of
But don't actually care about how I feel
The one that fills in spaces around the table
But is actually invisible
The one that cares about everyone else
But no one sees it

... the one that talks the whole time
but when she's finished they ask "did you say something?"...

I want someone to care
Understand
And love me

I matter to myself
And I love myself on the inside

But
Is that enough?
When I've already given my heart and soul to everyone and everything around me?
When my heart is already broken to pieces?

Where's the glue?
The tape?
How do I fix it?
Will my questions ever be answered?

I feel that I'm already too far under for anyone to see...

How do I escape the storm of my heart?
I guess I only matter to myself...
But I never mattered to anyone else

I'm just a filler
In this world of "innovators"

But the saddest thing is that I've been hurt so much...
That I can finally say:

..."I'm used to it"...

They've told me I have the "teenage blues"
And I don't know if that's true, but
Im sad
And if that what you call it then say what you like
Because I don't care anymore

*...