my heart...

cold waters

Tears to glass screens
My scars never healed
And now I lay
Covered in my own mess
Searching skies for magic
To heal me

Music to ears
I listen for the sound
That will soothe my mind
And now I lay
Covered in my own mess
Searching for love
To warm me

I'm so tired
Of coming back to this place
Of swollen eyes
Of dark thoughts
Of love incomplete

I really thought I was okay
For the longest time
But I look back
And see what I've become

When I was young
Love was a support
Now that I'm here
Love is just there
Love hurts

I end up distancing myself
To keep lemon juice
From open wounds
To keep tears
From piling up
To keep my heart
From throbbing

Escaping reality
Loving at arms reach
Building heart of stone
Keeps the dark
From caving in

I want to feel
And love
With everything I've got
But love
Hasn't been very warm to me
I want a hug
But I can't remember
The last time
Somebody noticed
How I was really
Feeling

These cold waters
Are so empty
So quiet
That all I can hear
Are soft whimpers
And drops
That rejoin
The rest
In ripples

I'm scared
And tired
I want love
But the false love
That I know
Clouds my mind
And my true loves
Grow far
And I don't want to hurt
Again

Man
I really suck

It's not really everyone's fault
Just me
And honestly
My first love
Really messed
My world up

I'm really
Starting to wonder
What how I
Might've been
If my heart
Weren't so broken

I thought I was
Stronger
But I think it really
Fucked me up
And now
I'm just a basket
Of broken glass
Weighing others down
Without a trail back
To who I was
When I wasn't this fucked

I won't say this
Out loud
But I feel so alone
Most times
And I feel
Like a
Fool
I want a
Hug
But it's been
so long
That it's hard
to miss
What you
can't remember

And having so much
Hope
Hurts the most
Once my dreams
Are torn
To pieces
I wake to
Reality
And look to walls
Of stone
That I want to become
Limitless skies
Of stars
Again

Never mind
I don't deserve this
I don't have time
For love
And I care
Too much
To remove
My worn mask
If I showed
My true face
You would scar
And that hurts me
Even more
Be happy
Friend

Too
Far
Gone

I keep
Forgetting
The scars
Are there
And it's normal
For demons
To ask me
For directions
Through the
Darkness
While I
Search for
The light

If I'm a rose
Then the petals
Have all fallen
And shriveled
Ready
To grace the earth
With lifeless
Beauty
And loveless
Touch

Wish you well

May you bend
But never break
May you fall
But never touch
The ground
May your petals
Float constant
Friend