Chasing the fire:Stephanie(Completed)

Chapter (51)

Kabanata 51

Nyxx offer to drive me home. At first nagdadalawang isip akong pumayag dahil hindi pa ako fully comfortable sakanya. Kaya lang masyado siyang mapilit. Hindi daw siya aalis sa tabi ko hangga't hindi niya ako naihahatid. I told him that it's alright if i just commute but knowing Nyxx, masyadong matigas ang ulo.

He told me that he would make up for those years we're apart. Nagpaalam na rin kami kay Dan. She even gave me a meaningfull look. I just ignored her. Kung ano man ang iniisip niya saaming dalawa, wala na akong pakialam. I can't blame her. She saw our bodys wrapped together. Kahit siguro ako ang nasa posisyon niya, ganoon din ang iisipin ko.

"You live alone right?" Nyxx asked as he start the engine. I just nodded. Ayoko ng magsalita pa. Naguguluhan ako. Sobrang gulo. Pakiramdam ko kung bibigyan ko ulit ng pagkakataon ang puso kong mahalin siya ulit ay may mangyayari na namang hindi ka nais-nais. Years without him felt like a nightmare. Halos gabi gabi akong umiinom, umaasang  baka bumalik siya ulit.

I almost failed all my subjects. Buti nalang nagawan ko ng paraan. Halos walang gabi na hindi ako umiiyak. Ang sakit, ang sakit umasa sa isang bagay na hindi ka sigurado. Its scared to hope for the uncertainty.

Noong malapit na akong gumraduate doon ko narealize na walang kwenta kung iiyakan ko lang siya palagi. Dahil paano kung may iba na siya? Paano kung nakalimutan na niya ako ng tuluyan? I know what I said is pretty heartless. But could you blame me? Nasaktan din ako. Hindi 'din birong maloko.

"Steph. I can't deal with your coldness." Sabi niya habang pinapaibis ang sasakyan. I wanted to speak kaya lang parang napako sa utak ko ang lahat ng gusto kong sabihin.

"I'm tired. Pakibilisan ang pagmamaneho." Utos ko. Nakita ko ang sakit na dumaan sakanyang mukha. Iniwas ko ang paningin ko at tumingin nalang sa mga puno sa labas.

"Kuya said you're getting married. I've got the invitation, legit ba 'yun?" Tanong ko. Ang sakit sakit naman siguro kung magpapakasal na siya and yet he is still hitting on me. Huminga siya ng malalim at saka binagalan ang pagmamaneho.

"That's another story. Sasabihin ko rin sa 'yo." He smiled. Pumikit ako, I wanted to just breakdown and cry. Ikakasal na ba siya? Kaya ba pumupunta siya saakin ngayun para takasan ang isang responsibilidad? Thoughts of it makes me want to bawl down.

Noong nakarating na kami sa apartment, nauna na akong lumabas. Hindi ko na siya hinintay na pagbuksan pa ako ng pintuan. I took a few steps away from him, but I stopped when I felt his arms wrapping around my slender waist.

"Sleep with me tonight."

Nararamdaman ko ang pagbilis ng hininga ko. I wanted to look him in the eyes. I wanted to see if he was serious about it. I held his arms so that I could be able to release myself.

"Nyxx, umalis kana. May bukas pa naman para makapagusap tayo. Don't worry I wont escape from all these like you did to me years."

Pain was evident in his eyes when I said those.

"Can you give me a valid reason why its hard to be with me now? Steph, I can't wait any longer. There was never a day when I didn't get to think of you. Morning, Noon, and Night it's you running on my mind.. Baby please, I want to make up for the years we've wasted. I can't risk another year without you. I can't.. It is fucking killing me."
He said as he caressed my face.

I just wanted to say I love him so much that I, also couldn't risk another time being away from him. Being away from his comforting arms. I love him so much.. There's no way in hell I will deny that.

"I love you." I said. I felt his hands gone cold. Inabot ko iyong kamay niya na nakahawak sa pisngi ko at hinawakan iyon. I wanted to assure him of my feelings. That even though time passed, even though feelings got hurt, even though words were said, still, my heart belongs to him. Only him. And I feared that my heart would only belong to him. Because the more I struggled, the more I realized that at the end of the day, it's still him I long for. Siya lang iyong gusto kong makasama. Siya lang iyong gusto kong makausap.