A Million Reasons (Clony)

Chapter 2:Cassette 2

I decided to re record Justin's tape. I only changed one thing. Everyone gets a tape. Only theirs. I don't want anyone else to know who else got one, a luxury Hannah didn't give to us.

"Hey Clay," Tony patted me on the shoulder. "How are you doing?" How did he not get hot in that tight leather jacket? And how does he get his black hair to be so perfect?

I knew what he was asking. I know he has the copy of the tapes.

"Umm.... not good." I said quietly while looking at my feet.

"I know."  His eyes glistened in the fluorescent light of the school.

"Yea" I shrugged and closed my locker. I glanced at Hannah's locker behind Tony.

"Well Clay, if you ever need to talk or-"I cut him off.

"I'm fine." I walked off. Leaving him behind beside my locker.

~*~*~*~

I sat down by myself at lunch. Tony was nowhere to be found. I feel so terrible about what I did to him early today. I looked at my food in front of me and pushed it away. I, for a second, thought I was going to be sick.

Someone sat down across from me. A girl. Jessica. Her dark hair was messy and uncombed. And she had no makeup on.

The air was silent like space. She just stared at me and I had my head down.

"Clay." She sounded unsure. Like she didn't know what she was going to say. "I, uh, I'm going to tell my dad today." Tears glistened in the light as they rolled down her cheeks.

"Really?"

"Really." She replied while drying her wet cheeks.

"He better go rot in a jail cell."

"Clay..."she started.

"No! Don't try to defend him! He deserves it." I exclaimed, but not loud enough for everyone else to hear.

"Clay, what I was going to say was, I know you loved. Love, her, but you have to be careful who you tell. I mean, this could ruin our entire lives." She was looking at her hands which were bobbing up and down with every word.

"Well what if I don't care?"  I snapped. "We deserve it."

"You don't." She whispered. I started to cry. I have never. NEVER. Cried at school, so naturally I ran to the bathroom wiping my eyes and locked myself in a stall. I heaved as my stomach turned against me and I vomited into the toilet.

I wish someone would have followed me to reassure me. To rub my back and hug me. No one did.

~*~*~*~*~
Click.

Hey Jessica, I know what you are thinking. Another one. Great. Well yeah. Welcome to my tapes- tape. You only get yours. Don't fret, yours is not a bad tape. I just wanted to thank you for what you said. That is, when you sat with me at the lunch table. And I want to apologize for the way I reacted. I am incredibly sorry for giving you this but I needed you to know that I had nothing against you. You did not bring me HERE. I'm pretty sure you know what here is. I'm pretty sure when you get this I'm. You know. Not here. I'm sorry for probably scaring you. I don't even care what you do with this. Keep it. Throw it away. Whatever. I just needed to get this out of me. Bye Jessica.

This is hard. I could never make them as long as Hannah's. I pour out my emotions in five seconds and she does it and it fills up 13 of these tapes. Do I really have a reason for this. Am I just overreacting?