A Million Reasons (Clony)

Chapter 17 ⚠️

"Hello Clay." A therapist shook my hand, and then she sat down across a coffee table. This was the first time I have ever been here. I didn't want to come but I'm doing it for Tony. He wants to make sure I'm okay. If that's even possible. "I understand you attempted suicide a few months ago am I correct?"

"Uh- yes." Not making eye contact.

"That's okay Clay. I have dealt with this problem many times before and guess what? They all turn out fine." She smiled at me. I half smiled back. "Do you care about talking about your experiences?"

"I don't care. I- can't you- just fix me?"

"If you want to get better. Your gonna have to care."

~*~*~

As I walked out of the hospital I thought about what she said to me.

"The more you talk about it the less power it has over you."

And I think I believe her. I've talked about it three times, and I think it's getting better. I know I shouldn't let this consume me. I need to live my life. I need to...... love someone. But not just anyone. Tony.

I made my way over to the red mustang.

"Hey Clay." He said as I leaned in through the passenger window. "How did it go."

"I-" I smiled."I actually feel a lot better." He unlocked the door.

"You gonna get in?" He teased, smirking.

"Yea." I giggled and got in the car.

~*~*~

Tony dropped me off at my house because he had to work at the shop with his dad today. When I got inside I was surprised to see Jeff sitting and talking with my mom.

"Hey.... guys." I set my house keys on the counter.

"Hey, Clay, can I talk to you?" Jeff stood up and walked over to me.

"Sure, let's just go to my room." As I walked in he closed the door behind me. "What's up Jeff?"

"I need to tell you something and I know you won't judge me but it's just so hard to say out loud because this is the first time I'm saying it." He said without a breath. I motioned him to sit next to me and he did.

"You can tell me anything." I smiled.

He breathed deeply before starting. "I- I'm- ILIKEBOYS."

"Aww" I hugged him."wittle Jeff has a crush on someone doesn't he?" I teased.

"Well........ if you could even call it that. I saw this one boy at Monet's, I have never seen him before. But he was so cute. I don't even know his name." He blushed looking down and smiling.

I grabbed him by the shoulders. "We. Will. Find. Him." He smiled.

~*~*~

Tony finally made it back late, after dinner while I was listening to music. I sat up, taking one headphone out.

He laid next to me and said "what are you listening too?" Grabbing the free earbud. "Pearly-Dewdrops' Drops? You have really good taste Clay." I moved closer and he put an arm around me.

"I know." I giggled. "But you have even better taste." I rested on him like I always do and the song faded away.

~*~

"Clay" a voice moaned into my ear and the lips that made the very same sound found their way down my neck. I moaned, gasping for air as Tony made his way down my body kissing my skin. We were completely naked. He made his way to my penis sucking on it making me writhe on the sheets and close my eyes. More loud moans escaped my lips. He stopped. I opened my eyes and looked down at him. Except it wasn't Tony anymore. I stared at his cold face and light brown hair. Bryce.

"You liked that huh?" He smirked, grabbed me and flipped me over. I was absolutely vulnerable. "How about this?" He wrapped his hands around my throat and fucked me.

~*~

I gasped sitting up in my bed. My vision was blurry and I realized I was crying. Tony sat up next to me rubbing my sides.

"What's wrong baby?" He hugged me.

"A dream- we were- then Bryce-" I cried more and put my head on his shoulder. Then I noticed an uncomfortable stickiness in my underwear. "I-I,uh." I got up and went to the bathroom, grabbing another pair of boxers on the way.

After I changed I sat there for a while on the tile. How could I have ever gotten off to that? I whimpered alone and cold in the bathroom. Tony knocked at the door before slowly opening it. I expected him to carry me back to bed but he sat next to me instead and motioned me to get in between his legs. I did and he wrapped his arms around me.

"Are you going to tell me what happened? You know you can tell me anything, Clay, I'm your boyfriend. I will always be here for you." I laid down on his chest and sighed.

"It's just. Every fucking time I think about anything remotely sexual I just end of thinking of that." I stared at the wall. "I've actually wanted to have sex with you for a while but.... I just don't think I can do it yet."

He held me tighter. "Clay you don't have to worry about it. We can take baby steps."

"Thanks. Your the best Tony." I sighed into him.

"Come on. Let's get you back to bed." He carried me and rested me on top of him.

Holy shit. I never expected this to be my most popular book on here. Thank you guys! *blushes*.
                                          ~Jonathan