A Million Reasons (Clony)

Chapter 6:Cassette 4

Stars. The moon. The empty space in between. That's how I feel. Empty. Hannah was a star. That star has burned out. Tony's a star too. One that's out of reach. Ice was on my cheeks with each gust. I hadn't realized how cold it has been getting. I looked at the Stars and the light of the town beneath me.

"What the fuck are you doing here Clay?" I looked over to my left. Tony was on the railing to. I scooted closer to him

"I had to get away."

"From whom?" He said in his tone. Am I sure I don't like that.? Because it's pretty ho- no Clay. Focus.

"My parents."

"Clay......." he trailed off. Unhelpful yoda has no idea what to say for once. But he knew exactly what to do. He came over to me and picked me up, I didn't even resist, and placed me in the backseat of his car.
"You can sleep back there if you like. I'll take you home, how did you even manage to get this far on a bike Clay." I shrugged. He put my bike in the trunk. Something that has happened quite often lately. When he sat back in the car I looked at him. Really looked.

His raven colored hair was disheveled, not combed perfectly like during the day. His eyes had bags under them. His chocolate eyes were red and puffy. He wasn't even wearing his leather jacket.

"Tony, what time is it?" I questioned.

"One." Shit. Have I been gone that long

"In the morning?!"

"Yea." Was all he said.

"How did you know I was out?"

"Well your parents called because when you left you didn't take your phone. And they thought I would know where you went. I guess I did." He looked back at me through the mirror. "Clay. Promise me. You will never do that again. You scared me so bad I thought you jumped."

"I promise." I looked down. "I'm sorry. I just didn't think I would be out this late. I've been....... blanking out lately." Now he turned to me.

"Clay. That's a really serious thing. You need to tell your par-"

"No! I don't need to have a psychologist. It didn't work for Hannah. Why would it work for me? Anyway I- I'm- fin-"

"CLAY!" Was the last thing I heard.

~*~*~*~*~
"CLAY, LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO ME!" Hannah held out her arms, gushing blood all over her white nightgown. And me. "LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!"

I jumped in my skin. It was only a dream. It was only a dream. It was only a dream. That wasn't how she went.

"Clay, it was only a dream." Tony.

He was in my bed once again, his arms wrapped around me. Spooning me.

"I know." He started to move his arms. "No, um. Can we just stay like this for a while?"

"Sure Clay." He snuggled against me more. This is when I felt most at peace. When I had someone here with me. Especially him.

"Clay, I gave a recording of the tapes to Hannah's parents."

"What?"

"Yea, I couldn't take it anymore. I had to."

"That's fine Tony. You did what you felt she needed most." I said to him. My eyes were closed the entire time. I might have passed out, but I was still tired.

It was my turn to snuggle more into him. His warmth.

~*~*~

He was still next to me in the morning this time. I didn't want to move a muscle. I wanted to stay next to him forever. But he had to leave. And I understand. I just want a forever with him.

Click.

Tony, by the time you hear these words I'll probably be long gone. No one. And I mean no one else has had an impact on me as much as you since Hannah. Your hair, your inked skin, your warmth. They all kept me intact for as long as I could be. Please, you must know you had no impact on my choice of death. You helped me almost not choose it. Just like two other people. Maybe even more than them. You have been so protective of me and I, for some reason didn't see that. I do now. Thank you Tony. I'll miss your hugs. I'll miss your comfort. I don't even know what you will miss from me. There is one final message I have to get too. But, first, make sure Bryce rots in prison for the rest of his life. Make sure Mr. Porter doesn't get another counseling job. Make sure Skye doesn't do this too. Make sure Jessica and Alex come out alright in the end. Make sure you do too. Please check on my parents now and again. Unlike Hannah. I leave you no secrets to keep. I don't care what you do with this tape. Keep it. Throw it away. Whatever. I really hope you listen to it once at least. Now. The final thing I have to say to you. I have thought and thought about this for weeks. And Tony, I am in love with you. But I know your with Brad. I can't have you and that destroys me. But that's not why I'm doing this. I love you Tony. And I forever will.