Small Town Love

Visits

A/N: possible trigger warning 

Three months. That's how long it's been. Three months since I held Cj for the last time. Three months since she died. Three months since I ate 3 full meals a day. Three months of visits to the therapist, visits to her family, visits to her grave. I've visited her so much that I've found a shorter way to get there. Her spot is towards the back of the cemetery and if I cut through a neighborhood, cross a back road and jump the fence it puts almost right next to her.

After about a month of visiting her every day, during the day my therapist  told me I need to stop. He told me that it wasn't healthy and I need to start moving on and start eating properly. I honestly hate that man and refuse to do what he tells me. I have now dropped a lot a weight and I've been  diagnosed with an eating disorder. I also haven't stopped seeing her. The reason I found that short cut to her was because my therapist, Dr.Patrick, told gem to stop taking me. I refused to stop see her. 

When I go to visit her I usually have to go at night, when the cemetery is closed. A few weeks ago I was caught by some cop and he brought me home and had a long discussion with my parents. I was grounded and couldn't leave the house except for school, which I'm now failing. My life is just going down hill, Cj was my lifeline, she kept me alive and now that she's gone I'm just going to slowly fade away. Today will be my last day of being grounded and so I'm "going to my friends house"

I walked down stairs and grabbed my shoes to put them on. Just as I was walking out my mom called out for me, "And where do you think you're going?" She asked. I sighed. "I'm going to Marks house, he got a new dog and wants me to come see it." I wasn't completely lying, he did have a new dog and he did want me to come see it but I wasn't going to visit him. I was going to see Cj. "Ok. Be back before dark." My mom said back and I walked out the door.

 I new I would be back before dark. The cemetary was too far away and I was too weak from not eating to run, oh well. I walked in almost complete silence the only sound coming from my feet on the ground and me quietly humming Cj's favorite song. The song we danced to right before she blacked out. I pushed that thought away. The one down side to my short cut is that it goes right past her old house. As I walked by her brother was out side. He waved me over and so I walked over. "Going to see her again?" He asked I just nodded and avoided eye contact, it was hard to talk to her family nowadays. "Ok. Would you tell her hi for me?" He asked. He has actually never been to her grave except once and he had a complete melt down and so he stopped going after that. "Sure." I said and started walking again. 

I got up to the back road. The road usually wasn't traveled very much, but when it was, boy, did those cars speed down it. The sun had just dipped below the horizon and I new I was in trouble but I kept going. I looked both ways. No cars. I started walking across the lanes. Just as I was stepping back into grass and off the pavement a truck zoomed by just grasing my back making me fall over. Ok that was close. They probably didn't see me, I was in all black and it was getting darker. Not the best decision. I got to cemetery and hopped the fence. I made my way to Cj and sat down. I checked my phone. 8:43. I have 17 minutes till I should go. I began to talk as if she was still here, talking about how my day was and everything, it felt kinda weird but nice and calming at the same time.

I had finished tell her everything and began to stand up until I remembered something "oh, and your brother says hi." I said smiling to my self. I stood up stretched my legs. I checked the time on my phone. 10:02. Crap. I was definitely in trouble. "I'll come back as soon as I can." I said as I ran to the fence and climbed over. I rushed, not ran, to the road and started walking across it forgetting about my encounter earlier. Big mistake. I glanced to my right and all I saw was two headlights a few meters way and speeding fast towards me. I couldn't move, even if I did it would do anything I would still get hit. Then it hit me. No not a rush of adrenaline. The truck. The huge 18 wheeler hit me. The hit sent me flying a few feet before I got the  asphalt. He hit the brakes right after impact. The man driving hopped out of his car and ran to me. "Oh my god kid! I didn't see you. Here I'm calling 911, what's your name?" He asked running over to me and pulling out his phone. I could answer him the only thing I could think to say is, "This was my fault don't let them blame you." Then as I felt a small pool of what I asume was my own blood flood around me I blacked out. 

My eyes fluttered open for a split second and I realized I was in an ambulance. "His heart rate is dropping again." Was all I head before I blacked out again.