The Doctor Dances

16. After Death

Clair

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Hell.  I think I’m in hell.

“Don’t you think it’s time to go home (well not home ‘cause technically I don’t have a home)? Remember the time I met you, absolutely gorgeous, but you’re still the only thing I have left.” The Doctor solemnly ducked his head, while patting the TA.R.D.I.S.

“Doctor I’m still here, whenever you need me.” I intoned, frustrated at my current situation.  (Which as an after-thought, you probably don’t know about.)

And here’s what I can tell; after my untimely death the scene filled with dust, coal, and violent screams of the Cybermen.  He left my body cold, running away with a single tear falling down his face.  So here I am, a wandering soul with no place to call ‘home’ but here and no place to go except follow him. 

I still don’t think that the Doctor can hear me or just chooses not to listen.  In my defense I hope his ignorance could be the result of the last one.

Walking away from the console, the Doctor sat down, shuddering from the cold atmosphere of the room.

Like I said before on how the Doctor’s lonely; it’s not completely because of us, his companions, who need him, instead of how it’s the Doctor relying on us.  So if you ever happen to meet him, watch your back.

Week 1; Wandering

Week 2; Unnoticed

Week 3; Excruciatingly Obvious

It’s been a few weeks of waiting for him to come back to the T.A.R.D.I.S. before disappearing again.  Occasionally I imagine time spent with a girl similar to me, keeping his mind off the pain of leaving.  But then her brown locks won’t last forever, similar to me in more ways than one.

Recently as he closes the door, there has been laughter etched onto his face but it’s short lived.  When I first met him, it was wonderful as he could never shut up or run out of things to say.  I let out a breathy laugh at the thought but of course no one was around to hear. 

Now, I’m seemingly transparent and to be quite honest, losing my mind.  Sometimes I just scream because there’s not a being to head me, so it doesn’t matter in the least.

But back to him, numerous times the Doctor has spent immeasurable hours wandering around the T.A.R.D.I.S. almost as many as I have in these past few weeks.  The room I’ve spent the most time in though, has been the library.  Grand spiraling cases, filled with the heavy weight of words.  But my choice is to ignore those as the piece of writing I find fascinating sits on a carved stand; The Last Great Time War.  Left open to a page it mentions the Doctor’s name before he choose his title, healer, protector, but that’s not what he is now.  Angry, empty, a few words to describe the change in his heart.  Or maybe it just grew 3 sizes too small.

Then there’s another room, filled with hand drawn pictures from a child showing the Doctor in a time when his face could handle the pain, almost as it had been an erased memory.  Among other objects would be a single red high heel, and a trailing multi-colored scarf.  The thing that caught my eye originally was a shimmering of scratched metal.  Well there’s one thing that’s not destroyed, the locket on my body as I fell.

So when the Doctor was what I thought of checking to see if I was still alive, was really looking for the one thing that was important to me so he could remember.  At that point I had to look away, would you stand to watch yourself die?  Then he kissed my forehead, holding onto my body as if it was holding him towards the Earth and hugged me for the last time. 

And then ran.

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Right now I’m stepping towards the T.A.R.D.I.S. core thinking of the short time I ran through these halls, thinking of how I used to yell at the Doctor while he shook his head in disapproval mixed with confusion. Or as I like to call it, disfusion.

This time however I’m not delusional as it looks like the Doctor is close to me, or rather passing through me.  Reaching out with my transparent hand, shimmering like multi-colored light, I brushed his neck watching him shudder.  At least that count for something…

If someone looked at me they’d say that I’m begging to fade, not in consciousness but more in physical appearance.  My already transparent qualities have begun to flicker and fade, like a candle running out of oxygen, (that’s not even funny because I can’t use oxygen) so my skin is left with different shades of translucent tan. Who could think that I’d be scared beyond death?

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The Doctor

A cold chill brushed my neck and for a moment I would like to bury myself in the fantasy that it was the cause of Clair.  Ignore it, probably just my inner psychopath speaking.

Seriously though, the only relevant though (well at least I think so) has been of Clair’s situation, which brings me greater pain beyond limits.  Well then, let’s just move onto a different topic, shall we?

Recently there’s been a string of disappearances in 1806, the only reason that I know this is because the T.A.R.D.I.S. intercepted a distress signal; 928 Willow Lane, Cardiff, England.  Nothing remotely human I’d like to think as the current ‘owner’ of the property disappeared three weeks ago so there’s about three possible options.  I hate logic sometimes so it has to be something alien, I’m thinking weeping angel which makes this problem even more ‘fun’. 

Oh, I really want a jammy dodger right now, I seriously can’t even remember the last time I ate.  Someone could even say I’d kill for one, but that’d put me on the side of the monsters.

But how many people have you really killed Doctor?  If I’d have a say, I bet you’re already king of them because in your mind you can’t get the bear thought of how many people are dead.  And Clair’s just another one to add to your list.

Okay voices in my head, that’s a new one!  Seriously, I’m not joking.

“Let’s go shall we?” I called out to the T.A.R.D.I.S.

The response was a slow rhythmic hum.  Huh, don’t feel like talking today, I see how it is.  Stepping back to the console, I left the cold tingling miles behind.  Turning the dials, coordinates turned from 5’s to 8’s and every possible number in between.

And as I like to say:

Geronimo!

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A\N: So happy, I was having trouble writing this as I didn’t quite know what to do with Clair, but she’ll reappear soon. 

I’m Not Okay (I Promise).  Xx Erin