SELF [JEON JUNGKOOK]

one hundred and five

baby girl: jeongguk??

baby girl: can we talk??

gguk💘: of course we can

gguk💘: is everything alright?

baby girl: i think things are starting to get bad again

gguk💘: baby, no..

baby girl: i'm starting to slip back into the same mindset i was in around the time we first met

baby girl: i just hasn't been right the past few weeks

gguk💘: did something happen?

gguk💘: is it your parents?

baby girl: no, it's not my parents

baby girl : i don't know.. i've just been disgusted with myself?

baby girl: i don't know what's causing it but it's this feeling that i can't seem to shake

baby girl: i'm just not happy anymore.

gguk💘: not happy with what?

baby girl: with everything

baby girl: every time i wake up i'm just bombarded with these feelings that i can't really explain.. i don't know, it's kind of like this deep ache or hurt in my chest and i'm usure of the cause.

baby girl: and i keep getting this immense feeling of guilt for feeling this way. i am blessed with a lot, you know? i have two parents, i have you, i have the guys, i'm alive and fucking breathing, jeongguk, yet i still feel unhappy with everything.

baby girl: and it's not this little outburst of the feelings that last a few hours, it's beem lingering sadness that lasts for what feels like forever.

baby girl: i just wish you were home right now so i could be with you.

gguk💘: thank you for telling me how you feel, i know it may be hard to talk about but i can garuntee that it feels a lot better than holding it all in. i wish i was home to, i wish i could be with you and hold you and kiss you, i'm really sorry that i can't. but you will get through this, nari, i know you can. you are so strong, and you've gotten so much stronger than you used to be. i promise you will get through this and i promise that i'll be by your side through it all. it's okay to feel this way, and you shouldn't ever feel guilty for the way you feel. you shouldn't feel the need to have to explain why you're feeling this way, you just do and it's okay to not know why you feel like you do, don't feel guilty about it.

gguk💘: i'm right here by your side, okay? i'm always here if you ever need and i don't plan on leaving any time soon, okay? i love you and i believe you can get through this, don't let rough patches get to you, they happen but that doesn't mean you can't recover from it.

baby girl: thank you, jeongguk. for being there and for caring about me. you don't know how much i appreciate you

gguk💘: why don't you sleep for awhile? you're not busy right?

gguk💘: i'll be home in a few days for about two weeks for a break and i'll go get you and we can sleep and cuddle and do whatever you feel will make you feel a bit better

baby girl: that sounds good, thank you

baby girl: i'm gonna go to sleep

gguk💘: just text me if you need something, okay? i love you

baby girl: okay, and i love you too