Ask Me Anything

Chapter 14 - The Favorite Song

We were four songs in and I could feel the sweat on my brow and neck starting to bead and drip down. I reach back and grab a bottle of water and take a long drink before wiping my forehead off with the back of my hand. I already know the playlist by heart, but I still look down to the piece of paper on the floor to confirm the next song is my acoustic version of Robbers. Somewhere in the back of my head, I can hear Heath talking and getting the crowd riled up, mentally blocking out most of his words. At this point, my brain knows how to pick out the important things he's saying and let the rest go unnoticed. I turn and switch guitars, hearing the audience cheer and yell.

As the lights go down a little bit further, I step to the front, alone, and start to strum the opening chords. The words roll off my tongue like I wrote them myself. For the first time since that fleeting glance before we started playing, I look up and capture her eyes. (I'll give him one more time) I can't tell from this distance if she realizes that it's her I'm looking at. (We'll give you one more fight) Her eyes flicker from side to side and then back to mine, making me notice Molly and Gavin standing and singing along on either side of her. (Said one more lie) I know I shouldn't be looking at her, but it's so hard to look away. The last thing I want is for her to make the connection and realize who am I like this. (Will I know you) I wait for a look of understanding to wash across her face, but it never comes. I think I might be safe.

Somehow, this girl, this girl who I only want to know, has woven her way into all of this. (Well now that you've got your gun) It feels like I've handed the keys to my life and mental well-being over to a stranger. I rip my eyes off of hers and refocus on the back of the room. (It's much harder now the police have come) My heart can feel her pull from the stage and knowing she's still looking at me is almost unbearable. (And I'll shoot him if it's what you ask) I have never been so scared and drawn to anyone in my entire life, and it absolutely scares the shit out of me. (But if you just take off your mask) At this point there is no way that she even can live up to the imaginary expectations I've already put on her. I've set her up to fail before I've spoken a single word to her. (You'd find out everything's gone wrong) All of this, and she's not even not mine.

Another verse, another chorus, and the song is suddenly over. I can hear the crowd going crazy and people yelling my name again, but somehow it's muted and sounds like it's very far away. I take a big step backwards and exhale a huge breath. Leaning over to switch out the guitars again, Jack is abruptly next to me with a big grin spread across his face. He pushes his bass out of the way and throws his arm around me and slaps me on the back a few times.

"That was unbelievable. Please tell me you learned 5 more songs like that since yesterday," he says, leaning in close so the microphones don't pick up the conversation.

Feeling overwhelmed, I look up and briefly catch his eye and give him half of a smile.

"You good?" he asks with concern in his eyes.

"Yeah...I think so," I nod back.

The rest of the night goes by in a blur. I fold back in on myself again, favoring self-preservation over risk. I never look back up at her again. I have no idea if she is looking at me or if she is even still there. We sounded great and the crowd seemed to love every minute of it. Drained, I sit my guitar down and walk back down the steps to the backstage area. About 20 feet to my right, there is a mass of girls waiting, crowded against the barrier that separates this space from the public area. Heath will be overjoyed to see that.

Jas is waiting right there for me with a look on her face that I don't understand. I pat my pockets, looking for my phone. Realizing that I didn't pick it up when I was done playing, I turn to go back and get it.