B2: 7/11 Sensual || p.jm [extremely slow editing]

Chapter 9

Doctor Homin looks at me, "I have to go." He says, quickly running out of the room. I bite my lip, looking at the child in the incubator. No, I have to go to Isaeli. I've almost forgotten that Ji Iseul is in the room as well. I turn and run out of the room stripping off the gloves and medical gown. I see several nurses enter after Doctor Homin.

I hear Ji Iseul screaming and I run in after the nurses, grabbing Ji Iseul and looking at Isaeli's bed. My eyes widen at the sight of her body shaking furiously. Her body can't quite make a decision about where to shake, it just shakes everywhere. I watch as they try to take her out of this state.

I shut my eyes and fall to the couch, bringing Ji Iseul's face to my chest so that he can't see what's going on. I bite down on my hand, trying not to scream, my body shakes in fear. I shut out all the noises and voices, I could only hear Ji Iseul crying and the bed creaking as her body still shakes. For a while it is as if I go numb, and can't hear a thing.

"Mr Park." Echoes in my ears. "Mr Park." Is clearer than the light of day. It's as if everything is slow motion, and I can hear my heartbeat in my ears as it beats like a drum. I slowly look at the doctor. "Your wife is okay." He says and it snaps me out of my paralyzed state. "What?" I ask, though I heard him loud and clear.

"Your wife is okay.." He says, sweat running down his forehead. "What was wrong with her?" I ask, my voice shaking. "She was having a seizure, but since your wife's body still thinks that it has a fetus in it, it's also known as Eclampsia." He explains.

"It's when pregnant women have seizures during their pregnancy, which can cause a lot of damage to the fetus. Lucky for you, the baby is no longer in the uterus." He says. I blink a couple more times. "But my baby is premature." I say. "How is that any better?" I ask. He slowly tilts his head and looks away from me.

"It's not." I bite my lip and look down at Ji Iseul. He's staring at his mother's bed with tear stained cheeks, hiccuping. "Doctor Homin." I hear at the door. We both turn, the doctor and I. "It's the baby, it stopped breathing." She says. The doctor runs after her, I know... it's messed up that I don't want to follow them to see if my baby is okay.

The last time I left Isaeli, she broke out in a seizure. I sat there, staring at the door, I haven't found the courage to look at my wife. The image of her body shaking viciously stays in my head. There's a huge, what if, on the line. What if, I lose my wife? What if, I lose my baby? And what if, in the end.. it's just Ji Iseul and I with only memories of Isaeli?

Will I be able to function correctly? Will I even be okay? I continue to stare at the door, I wonder how Ji Iseul could stare at his mother. It's completely traumatizing for him, he wakes up from his nap to the sound of sirens and people rushing in the room to assist his mother. Memories of Isaeli smiling at me and hugging me, makes my eyes water.

I shut my eyes and cover my mouth with my hand, to prevent the sound of my cries to go beyond my ears.

Why is God doing this to me? Is this a punishment for all my dirty sins? Or Isaeli's sins?

I can't take all this crying, this is too much for me to handle in one day. I've heard that real men cry, it's a saying or something. Does being this really label me as a man? I slowly avert my eyes to her bed, bracing myself to set eyes on her. My grip tightens on Ji Iseul, and I stand up, taking in the sight of her.

She lays there in the hospital bed, with her head thrown to the side. She doesn't look comfortable with the way she's laying. I slowly made my way to the side of her bed, I'm scared that she can break out into another seizure. Who knew that we would go through so much with our second child?

Yes, I'm scared that we can lose our baby, but I'm more scared about losing my wife. Most importantly without her, I don't know what I would do with myself if I didn't have her. I watch her sleep for a while, until I see that the doctor walks into the room. He pulls down his face mask off his chin before he looks up at me, I wait for him to tell me that we lost our baby.