Better Love //dyle//

Chapter 16

Will, Kyle, and Dan spent the night together in the pub, laughing about stupid things that weren't really funny or silly memories before Kyle and Dan went back to their flat- but before they had gone home, they somehow managed to convince a drunk Will to play the guitar for Dan so they can make some sort of music. Kyle had smiled, thinking that it was cool that they remained friends, even after everything that had happened.

But now, back at the flat, Kyle is the drunk one as Dan is trying to get him to go to bed without laughing or getting distracted by something, which has often been Dan's hair, which is now shaved at the sides. As much as he thought he wouldn't like it, Kyle does.

"Come on," Dan says, his hood pulled over his head so Kyle had no reason to get distracted again. He pulls Kyle's hoodie off of him, the boy giggling to himself. "Let's get you to bed," 

"I'm not tired," Kyle shakes his head in refusal, his speech slurred and lazy. "Don't need to sleep." 

Dan just scoffs at him, taking his hand gently to stop him from falling over. "You are tired, you're just acting like a kid." He tells him, rubbing his thumb over his knuckles. 

"Am not," Kyle argues, shaking his head. He stumbles away from Dan, into the bedroom. His movements are loose and lethargic as he lets himself fall onto the bed, suddenly feeling extremely tired. Maybe Dan was right. "Okay, maybe I am a little bit." 

"You'll be regretting all this in the morning," Dan tells him with a chuckle, kneeling down at the end of the bed, where Kyle's feet are hanging from, and begins to take off of his shoes. 

"I regret everything in the morning," Kyle stares up at the ceiling, his hands resting on his stomach. He knows he shouldn't have been drinking so much because he's the honest drunk when it comes to his personal life- he'll tell you everything. He knows he's about to do it, but he can't stop himself. "I regret, like, all my life. All the time. Not just in the morning, but every moment I'm alive. All of it." 

Dan sighs, shaking his head as he unties Kyle's shoe laces. "You shouldn't regret things, Kyle," he tells him, pulling off his first shoe. "Don't live in regret, it's unhealthy. You live and you learn." 

"Yeah, you live, get beat the fuck out of, and still don't learn after it happens." Kyle laughs to himself, although nothing about it is funny. There's still a faint mark on Kyle's lip where it was split, and both of them know it's going to scar. "I'm a smart one, huh?" 

"That's not your fault, Kyle, you know it's not," Dan tells him, taking his second shoe off and placing them by the door. Kyle is clearly thinking about his past- which confuses Dan on how he can think so deeply when he's drunk. "You can't help what other people do. You had your reasons that I can't even imagine which made you frightened, so you didn't leave. I can't imagine how you have felt, but that's in the past now. You're here, right now, with me, and we're happy. Don't live your life in regret." 

Kyle sighs, a long, worn out sigh. He is still lying down as he tries to fumble with the buttons on his shirt, his drunken accuracy proving awful. "You know what I regret the most, Dan?" 

Dan moves Kyle's hands gently out the way so he can undo the buttons and take Kyle's shirt off for him. As he does so, he presses his lips against Kyle's forehead. "What's that, then?" 

Kyle doesn't hesitate as he comes out with it, shrugging carelessly. "I regret not killing myself when I had the chance." 

And just like that, everything seems so much more real, now. Dan is suddenly reminded that all of the suffering and pain that Kyle had described was his actual reality that he had no escape from. It wasn't a tv show or a book where you could stop watching or reading and take a break from. He can understand why Kyle thought what he did.

"Oh, Kyle... But... You're happy now, right?" He asks, his eyes full of worry, sympathy, pity, and he feels sick with the thought that Kyle may have taken his own life.

"Don't look at me like that, Dan. Don't look at me with pity in your eyes, I don't need pity." He sighs, rolling his eyes- well, as best he can as he's drunk. "How can I ever be happy? How can I ever be happy knowing what he has done to me? It's worse than what I've bloody told you, put it that way." 

"W-what...What did he do, Kyle?" Dan asks quietly, his hand resting on Kyle's forearm. He's sat on the bed, which is covered in a dull yellow cover, looking down at Kyle, and the boy is lying on his back, not even looking at Dan.

"He hit me, he beat me every single fucking day, he raped me, and do you wanna know what's best? Everyone knew what was happening, and you were the only one who ever fucking tried to do anything." Kyle admits with tears in his eyes. He tells Dan the story of the people in the pub who apologised for what happened but not for not saying anything.

Dan is at a lost for words- there is so much truth coming out in these four walls that he feels completely lost with it all.

"If it were up to me, Dan, I'd be dead. I'd have killed myself long ago." 

"But... That means we never would have me-" 

"Don't act like you'd miss me. You wouldn't know who I am. I'd be forgotten, I wouldn't even be a name. That's what I dese-" 

"Kyle, shut up, okay? Stop saying you deserved stupid shit like that, okay? You're a beautiful person, you have a beautiful personality and you're simply amazing. I'm so glad you're here, and I don't care how much you've been through, I'll still love you no matter what. Now come on, let's sleep."