"Derrick, how are you?"
"Um, hi, i-it's Aaron, actually."
"Aaron? How are you sweetie? Are you okay?"
"I'm fine and yes, I think."
"You think? Aaron, did anything happen? You can tell me."
"No, no, nothing happened I just ... I don't know. I don't think the small one likes me much."
"Rylie? Yeah, he can be a little hot head when he wants to but honestly he's the sweetest kid. He probably just has has to warm up to you, you know?"
"Yeah."
"Honey, are you sure you're alright?"
"Yeah."
"OK then. I just wanted to check on you but I have to go because I have my first ultrasound in about thirty minutes but I want you to write down my number. Memorize it. I'll set up a date and we can get lunch together. Call me if you need anything. I'll talk to you soon."
"Bye."
The line on her end goes dead. All the words I wanted to say got stuck in my throat. I didn't really know what to say. They were minding their own. Not bothering me. Derrick seemed to ready to cater to my every whim. I had slept the whole day away. I felt refreshed. I didn't feel scared here.
And that bothered me. It was all too good to be true. Places like this don't exist. Especially not to people like me. I had been fed and told time and time again that the only place I had in this world was either on the streets or under a man. Truthfully, I believed it.
I grasp the phone in my hand. Tight. Contemplating my next choice of action. I had told myself that I wouldn't call anymore. That the slow start of separation would be easier. I told myself to never get attached to anyone in the system. Boy or girl. Woman or man. Family. You never know when you'd see them again or if they'd even stick around. I had been in the system ten years and never once had I found myself getting too comfortable with anyone or at any place.
Unconsciously I was already dialing the number. Listening to the rings. Screaming at myself to hang up. To cut the invisible tie. She was young. only eleven. Her parents were going to get in her in a few months. Destiny answers on the sixth ring. Her child-like voice makes me want to hug her. I can picture her blonde hair. The freckles dotting her cheeks. The crystal blue eyes that were far too innocent.
"Hello? Hello? Is anyone there?"
"Hi, Destiny."
"Aaron?!"
"Yeah, it's me."
"Oh my gosh, why haven't you called me? You said you would every week! And-and you just stopped! I thought... I thought you got hurt or ..."
"Hey, I'm sorry okay? I'm fine. I had to leave the other home I was at because things had got bad. I'm sorry."
"What do you mean?"
".... They weren't ... They weren't as nice as I had told you."
"Oh. I'm sorry, Ronnie. Are you coming back to Saint Mary's? I miss you and ... I'm--I'm scared being here alone. The older girls aren't like you, they're mean to me."
"..."
"Ronnie?"
"...I, uh, I don't know if I'm going to come back, des."
"Oh ... w-where are you?"
"I got placed with someone else."
"Oh."
"Hey, please don't do that. Your mom and dad have that nice lawyer and their on track to regaining custody of you soon. They said three months, right?"
"Two now."
"See! You'll be out in no time. By the time they'd even find space for me you'll already be gone. Then I'd be alone."
"I'd come see you."
"I know you would."
"Can you at least visit?"
"..."
"Aaron?"
"..."
"Hello?"
"Um, y-yeah. I'll c-come visit as soon as I can."
"Yay! I can't wait. We can--oh no, I have to go. Someone's coming."
"Hide the phone like I taught you and save this number."
"Okay! Bye, Ronnie. Love you!"
"Bye, Destiny."
I put the phone back. Somehow feeling drained. Feeling angry at myself. Feeling disgusted at myself for feeling the bitter emotion of envy at the young girl. Telling myself that I should have cut that invisible tie. Destiny was too sweet. Too innocent. I felt as though I was tainting her. I felt like I needed to protect her. I couldn't do that here.
I wanted to protect her. I needed to protect myself. Which is why I couldn't go back there. Not even for her. She'd be fine. I taught her how to hide the cellphone. How to hide herself. Places to go to get shelter. How to fight off predators. All the things--at the time--I found no use in doing for myself. She was different. She had a future. A family.
She deserved better.
