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I have to be around this family and pretend like I'm not holding this secret. I have to pretend to not be hungry when they're eating something Rylie swore me away from. I have to pretend to not want to puke when I smell certain things. I have to act nonchalant when Chase would bring his newborn baby girl around even though I want to cry.
I was just lying. All the time. Both me and Rylie. We lie about everything. My late night bathroom trips, his drowsiness, my drowsiness. Suddenly his favorite sushi meal wasn't his favorite anymore because it made me want to vomit. Suddenly One Tree Hill isn't my favorite show anymore because the hormones made me more emotional than need be. Suddenly Rylie and I, are attached at the hip with no other explanation than 'we share a room.'
Lies on top of lies that we have to keep up and maintain so nothing will slip through our web of deceit. It's hard to keep track and not slip up. Luckily, everyone always has something to do. Both Carter and Cameron are very social and are out the apartment if they have no actual reason to be there. Mr. Phoenix works almost every day until night, Chase is adapting to being a new dad, and Rylie and I mostly stay in and go for walks if we feel like it.
Yet, today isn't one of those busy days. Everything seems to be moving at a snails pace and everyone is in the home. Mr. Phoenix has the weekend off. Carter and Cameron need to study for tests they have coming up. It was mid afternoon and neither Rylie or I had made a move to leave his room other than to eat a light breakfast before we went back to sleep. We had only woken up again less than an hour ago but today we had plans. Plans we were sure would go smoothly if everyone was gone and no one was here to pry or raise questions.
It was almost a week ago that I shared my misfortune with Jane and only two days after had Rylie found the paper laying on the floor that had the name and address of the clinic. It had been careless of me to leave such a thing laying around but I hardly left the room these days and Mr. Phoenix was lenient on letting the boys and me have our privacy. Rylie found the paper, asked what it was, and then assured me that we would be going this weekend.
The clinic was only open until four in the evening on Saturdays and currently it was going on a half past twelve and it would take maybe an hour to get there. Rather than denying his request I actually felt keen on going but now the day was here. I don't have two hundred dollars and everyone is home. I thought about cashing the check Steven had given me but my morality was telling me–screaming at me–to not accept the money of my rapist.
I didn't think this through at all. How did I really convinced myself I could take his dirty money? That somehow it made this right? That all this would go smoothly? Sooner or later, if I decide to keep it my belly will begin to grow in size and then I'll have no choice but to confess. Maybe that was why the street rat half of me was telling me to take the money and leave. Go as far as possible. Somewhere the living is cheap.
"You aren't even getting dressed," Rylie pulls me out of my thoughts when he walks in the room already dressed for the day. I was still sitting in my sweatpants. My hair, that I had gotten braided after my session with Jane was up in ball on my head slightly weighing my head down.
"We can't go," Rylie sighs about to protest but I shake my head, "I don't have the money and do you actually think your dad is going to let his twelve year old son and a sixteen year old foster kid travel to Jersey for some ambiguous reason?"
"We can lie. I think we're quite good at it," there was jest in his tone and I sigh. He was still a boy I had to remind myself before I said something too harsh. Sensing the atmosphere Rylie sobers up and plops down on the edge of my bunk.
"We can just say we're going to a book store. I did that a lot before you came and usually Carter or Cam, came with me and we'd be there for hours. I'm sure they wouldn't protest not having to sit in the stale smelling store while I 'read comics.'"
I nod feeling better that we could have an alibi, "I still dont have the money, Ry."
"I do."
"Absolutely not," I shake my head vehemently against the idea of him using his own money to fund this problem inside of me, "I don't know how you got the money but keep it. Put it back. I can't let you do that."
"Aaron, it's money I've saved myself and yeah, I was probably going to keep adding to it or buy video games but this is important. You need it more than me right now. I can just start over."
My eyes sting with tears at the same time my stomach begins to growl, "Oh my god," I whine with addition of a low sob, "Why can't you just be a stupid kid who doesn't give a shit for once?" I choke out feeling immense gratitude that he was offering but still like the worst person alive that he had to offer such a thing.
He chuckles before patting my shoulder, "I guess you can blame my parents for the kindness gene," he shrugged before getting up once again, "Now get dressed please, I'll relay the plans to dad and then we can go."
I rub the tears away from my eyes knowing that I couldn't change his mind. Rylie was stubborn that way. Once he got invested in something he stayed in until the deed was done. That was a quality I didn't have. I was constantly trying to get away from things, hoping that somehow things would just stop. Like how I wished somehow this pregnancy could just go away without pain. I wanted to wake up and not have the indescribable feeling of something inside of me.
But everyday I woke up and I could feel it. Whatever it was. I knew it was there and and it couldn't go away but sometimes I didn't even want it to go away. Selfishly I liked the attention. The care I was receiving because of it. My feelings switched so quickly I could barely keep up with my own thoughts. But the main thing that always stayed on my mind was what would I do once I start to show.
My stomach would grow as the months passed and even thinking about the consequences kept me up at night. It made me sick to know I would be kicked out. I was going to be back on the streets. I was ready to make arrangements before then so the transition could be smooth. I was going to have to use Stevens filthy money and then I realized that everything just goes back to him. No matter what I did or how hard I tried to forget.
Everything went full circle and Steven was the center of it.
"Aaron, Let's go!" Rylie bangs on the door and I jump out of the trance I'm in and try to rid him of my thoughts. I couldn't let myself stress too much. Stress wasn't good for the fetus.
I had already been dressed so I just slipped on some shoes and grabbed an over the shoulder bag and light jacket just in case we take longer than expected. We both head downstairs and surely enough Mr. Phoenix was waiting at the bottom of the stairs staring at the two of us wearily. I felt like I was under a microscope when he glanced my way but I tried to keep my expression cloudy.
"You two sure you don't want a ride?" His tone sounds as though he wants us to say yes but we both simultaneously say no which makes me want face palm. How could I lie to him? Mr. Phoenix was doing everything in his means to give me a good settling place and here I was deceiving him and bringing his son down the rabbit hole with me. He nods before letting us go to the elevator and as the door closes a strange feeling settles in my stomach and I know its not the fetus.
•••
Ok, this is short and crappy. I'm so sorry. I just needed to get something out and I'm not really happy with it but I feel like there isn't much else I could have written. I won't blame you if you hate it or got bored, I'm not trying to drag this story and make it long but I don't know, this piece is more about development and growth than about the scenes that make it climatic and whatnot. (I have those planned though!). I'm working on trying to write filler chapters that help me get to the more pivotal points that are better written or nearly as such as the other chapters.
Vote, comment, add it to your libraries and share it and what not if you'd like.
