I have enough trust issues as it is already.
But how I am supposed to believe that I am loved and cared for when my whole life those words being directed at me has felt like a thousand sharp knives digging into my flesh?
And how am I supposed to believe you when those words come out of your mouth and float around, attaching themselves onto whoever happens to be conveniently around you?
And how am I supposed to sit in the background (like I have my whole life) and let you parade around me like I don't exist but then when we are alone I'm suddenly the moon and the stars to you?
And how am I supposed to keep myself from drowning in the roaring sea of emotions you implant in my body?
How am I supposed to believe or cope when you make me feel like the number one person in the world but at the same time I'm just another face in the crowd?
I told myself I was okay with this. And I really thought I was. But I can't be me and you can't be you when a mountain of secrets and lies is so strategically placed between us.
I'm a bottom-feeder lurking in the depths of the ocean, untouched by light, just waiting and hoping and trying my best to claw my way up to the surface.
I spend my nights wondering how it must feel to bask in the warmth of the sun.
(And how am I supposed to believe you when every time I see even a slight shimmering ray I'm dunked back under?)
~S~
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PoetryA poem book with original poems written by me. Covers a variety of different topics as it is a representation of life as I live and experience it. [Poems that aren't mine will credit the original author] //tw//: self harm, depression, suicidal tho...
