I don't get what I want
And that's okay. Because that's part of life. We don't always get everything we want all the time. I get that. I really do.
But I don't get what I need either. At least not all of it. Only bits and pieces.
I don't know what I get besides disappointment and anger and fear, rejection, lies. It's always the same. No matter who I go to or where I go or how I go. It's a simple and glorious start that masks over the underlying bullshit I make excuses for and brush off and eventually just start to accept because what else am I supposed to do?
In brief moments I feel like I'm okay and like I've got control of the situation, control of myself, but I don't know anymore. Do I love myself enough? Do I trust myself enough? Do I take care of myself enough?
It's not enough
It's not enough
It's not enough
I can't feel it. I'm laying here willing myself to be happy and enjoy what I have. I go out and have people over and try to do things but it's like I'm going through the motions because I'm being dragged down by some embedded burden. I'm begging my mind to let me live and love and laugh but all it can focus on is anger and pain and how unsatisfied I am.
Let me be happy
Let me be happy
Let me be happy
I don't know what to do to satisfy myself. I try everything but nothing works. I see things I want and I go after them and try to accomplish them but even if I get exactly that I crave more. I enjoy the whole two seconds of my temporary peace and then it's straight back to being tense and on edge.
I need acceptance
Love
Calm
Hope
Validation
Affirmation
Reassurance
I need too much.
it's not enough
~S~
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PoetryA poem book with original poems written by me. Covers a variety of different topics as it is a representation of life as I live and experience it. [Poems that aren't mine will credit the original author] //tw//: self harm, depression, suicidal tho...
