[Old] My Little Demon

59~ ❝Xemu, brainwashing extraordinaire!❞

"What the hell is that?"

"My lord!"

"Your lord?"

"Yes! Xemu, dictator of the Galactic Confederacy, who 75 million years ago brought billions of his people to Earth in his spacecraft, stacked them around volcanoes, and killed them with hydrogen bombs! Xemu, my saviour! Xemu, brainwashing extraordinaire!"

"Give me a break! I get that you were brainwashed as a child and everything, but... seriously? You believe that!?"

"The proof is right before your eyes!"

  "I̡n̷DE̕Ed̡ ̶iT i̢s͢. ̴I h͏A̡VÉ ͜cOMe̵ ́T̡Ơ e͜ĄRt̴h ̨o̢N҉CE̶ ͜a҉GaAI͞N̨,͟ wI̸TH̷ ̷ÓN̛E m̡i̢S͏śion͜."  

"What is your mission, my lord?"

"TO E͜RA̷DI̕C̀A͢TE͏E͏E ̵aL̶L ÁNGELZ̶ ͠àNd͡ ̴D͢ÉM͞O͟N̵Z.͝"

Everyone GASPS. Really loud. I had to capitalise it. That's how loud it was.

"What... why?"

  "͘BeC̷O͜Z̢ ͜I se̶e a̕LL! Í SENse͠ḑ a̡ ͟Y͢oUn͢G ̵b̷OY͏. A BO͢y̛ b̕ei̡n͠g̸ INF͘LU҉E͢N̛C̴E̶D ̨b̶Y ͢a ̕De͘MO̕N.̀"  

"What boy, my lord?"

  "̛T̶HÁT B̢O̧I̶!̢ ZE oNe WhÒ LO̸Ok҉s̸ ͝LiKe S͜HI̸A LABEOUF."̷  

"That's me!"

  "YEs̡,͝ ̢bo̢Y̡! y͜ǪU!̕ Y̸ou ̴HAVe b͝ee͢n̴ in̢fLue҉nCed by ̡À ̨d͞e̸Mon!͏ ANd aLS͘ǫ án A҉n̷Ge̡L! YOU̡ ͏we̡R҉E a̸ S҉MOL, ͠P͜iTiFU҉L͘, MAn͠I͠P̶ULA̛TAB̕ĻE͡ ̶chi͏LD! ̕ANd ͝y̨e̴t,͘ ̀y͝Ou͘ ͞ẃe̵r̡e̛ inF͡LUE͜nc͠e̶d ̕By t͜hEm!̢?̸ Let me ͞tell ͞yo̶u͠ ̶someţh̨i̴ng̀. ̨The̶ ONLY͠ ̛ones al̴loẁed to b͘rain҉wa̶s͜ḩ c͢h̢i̷l͡dr͟en ͞a̸ǹd t͜u͠rn ͜t҉h̴e҉m ͞i͢nto ̛o̡ur͝ p̸sy̷c̶ho̷tic ̡slav͏es ͟a҉r͏e̡ us͡,̸ t͞he ̸S̷CI͞E͏N̸T́O̢L͘OG͘I̛S̨T̴Ş.͘"  

A/N: (Thanks for confirming that "A/N" does indeed stand for "Anal nuggets", people!) If you can't read Xemu's lines, please let me know. And for anyone wondering, pretty much everything here is legitimately what Scientologists are meant to believe. o.o