CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKE ☞ Y. MIN

step 12: pick up the remnants

how can you blame me, jimin? how could you just tell me that everything is okay when someone blatantly dragged me away from you? do you just not care? 

it was you, minnie. it was always you. 

i'll admit that i was stupid to not think so earlier. but while i was looking for love elsewhere, i never realized that the boy with orange hair would be the one. 

seokjin never gave me what i had hoped for in a partner. he would almost always talk about himself and how great he was. he would brag about how his younger brother, namjoon, got straight A's in school. he would always tell me how wise i am every time i tried to compliment him. it was always about him. 

call me selfish if you want but i crave attention too. even if i look like i don't want to talk, like i don't feel like doing shit, i want someone to approach me and ask the reason behind it. i want someone to come up to me and ask why i don't feel like doing shit. 

when i'm with you, there's never a moment when i'm not talk about myself. seokjin always said i bragged about myself and my music too much, making me seem arrogant. boy because he was so humble himself. 

but every time i'm with you, i was always at the center of attention. you understood my love for music, you understood everything that everyone else would be confused about. 

sometimes, i'd wish that you'd talk about yourself more. that's something i don't like about you, jimin. you put others above yourself, you let others talk about themselves and their problems while you sit back quietly and listen. some times, it's to the point where you, yourself, cease to exist in the conversation and it's just about the other person.  

we've been friends for twelve years, if i still deserve that title. but we've been friends for a long, long time. don't think i can't tell when you're hiding something. 

i know you want to share your opinions and i know you have feelings too. but if you never interrupt the person you're talking to, your opportunity to share will be too late. 

stop being so nice, minnie. you're letting people step on you. you're letting me step on you. 

it's my fault, okay? you probably already knew that, but it's my fault, alright?

i was the one who let seokjin distract me from the beautiful orange-haired boy that was right in front of me this whole time. i guess  i just never noticed what i had until it was gone. 

and i know it was only for two days, but those two days without your daily morning wake-up calls and spontaneous laughs were absolutely miserable for me. 

i couldn't sleep. i couldn't eat. i couldn't even think. 

it was like everything shut down, jimin. it was then that i realized that you're my heart. not just in my heart, you were my heart.

you were the one and only person who was willing to stand by me when everyone else left. you were the gears that gave me strength, the power that encouraged to continue even when i doubted myself. 

you pushed and pulled me through so many obstacles that you become my shield. but somehow, some way, by some dumbass logic, you received the bad end of the stick, ending with bruises and scars from battle while i got all the credit. 

you can't let yourself be like this. people will take advantage of you.  

you have given me everything from moral support to relationship advice. the least i could have done was be a good friend. but i'm utterly stupid for breaking our promise because of seokjin. he wasn't worth it. neither was losing your trust. 

you can choose to hate me and you can choose to never talk to me again. i don't know how i'll survive without your voice saying my name every few seconds or your warm hugs that make all my worries go away. but i just hope you're healthy and happy. because that's all i could really ask for now. i just want you to be happy, baby. 

hyung loves you, please never forget that.