Color Blind

My Fault

So I am really so very sorry that I have taken so long to add to this story. I was trying to finish school, but now that I have my AS degree, I can spend more time finishing this story and starting others. Thank you for those who have been reading. i truly appreciate you, so much there going to be two more chapters after this one.

As I slept last night and throughout the week of having to endure that red headed seductress, Ms. Wilder, get closer and closer to Johnny, I was beginning to want to accept Percy's offer. All that he had done to me, I should want to end his life, especially since he didn't have much left anyway. I didn't want to hurt him for what he had done to me though, if anything it would be a mercy killing, and I could take Riva, and the one inside me and be free somewhere. I could maybe talk Mama, Journey and Chris into coming with me too. I would miss Johnny because even though he hurts me everyday by bringing that she-devil here, what did I really expect. Mama had warned me there was only two ways to go, but we were supposed to be free now, able to live without being raped, or abused.

"Can I come in" I looked up at Johnny and back down quickly, shrugging my shoulders.

"It be ya house Mista, I gots no say so in ya comins and goings" His face fell dejected, a look he had been giving me all week long. Why was he so sad, he brought this on us.

"What do I have to do Vanna" He knelt in front of me putting his head on my lap and grabbing my hips tightly.

"Tell me what ta do to make ya happy with me again" I looked down at those blue eyes that still stole my breath away. 

"I won't be mama to ya mista, I won't keep pushin out ya babies, takin care of ha babies, just lemme go and you can hav ha, I know ya find her beautiful, in ya nature I spose, she ya color" Johnny stood up quick and I had never seen him look so angry before.

"Ya think I want her cause she my color, you don't know what he could do to you if I'm away, Percy, my father, nobody would protect you from him, are you thinking about River, where ya think ya going to go with a baby "my color" Vannah, you're not fucking leaving me, and I don't ever want to hear you say it again" I stood up quickly feeling enraged, I was supposed to be free now.

"I hate you" My hand flew to my mouth and I could taste the blood on my lips. I looked up to see Johnny looked horrified. Holding the hand that struck me close to his chest, and afraid to approach me, I saw the tears fall from his eyes.

"I am just like my father" He left out the room as I sat on the floor, holding my stomach and tears falling from my eyes. He hit me, just like papa used to, just like Mista used to, just like Trey did, why was I so stupid? 

This was all my fault, I chose to have sex with Johnny, when I knew I shouldn't, I chose to love him, to go against my family, I was still married to Trey and I rushed into bed with Johnny as soon as he got home, if Trey was alive would I have done the same thing? I was a whore, I didn't listen, I was disgusting, no wonder Johnny wanted to replace me. Chris was right, I would be Johnny's slave for the rest of my life, chained to his bed.  I wouldn't bring this little one into this life, no matter what mama said. I quickly threw on a shift and ran out the door, to Ms. Browns shack. She had a crying girl on her table, mumbling something under her breath as the girl held her stomach, screaming in pain. I smelled blood before I saw it leaking between her legs. My heart started to race as the mumbling became louder and the girls screams stopped. I stood at the door feeling lightheaded before I passed out on the floor. 

When I woke I was in a familiar shack, the one Trey had made for me. Did I die? I looked over and saw Johnny sitting in a chair, glaring at me. I started to sit up when I felt a small body laying across my chest. I kissed Rivas head and hugged his small body as I looked over at Johnny.

"Im going to ask once, and if you lie Vannah....................why were you at that devil womans shack" I bit my lip and winced when I felt the swelling. Johnnys glare lessened, but I knew he was still angry.

"I didn't want to bring nother bab......................."

"That's not your fucking decision to make alone, that baby is part of me too, you ............." Johnny punched the wall hard and I held on to Riva harder.

"I can't.............................you were going to kill us Vannah, cause that's what that baby is, us, me and you" He yelled and ran his fingers through his hair roughly, pulling at the strands. 

"All I did for you..........................for you, the torture I went through, I killed him for you, to be able to be with you, going against my father, going against this fucking, everything for you and you're so fucking ungrateful for ............................................" I hadn't noticed the smell before, but Johnny was drunk, like really drunk going by how red his eyes were, annd how pale and sweaty his skin was. He opened the door and yelled to someone who came in quickly and tried to grab Riva from me.

"No, don't touch im" Her look was pure pity and I wanted to spit in her face. Johnny ripped him from my arms and Riva started crying, making me cry too. Once she was out of the room with my baby, Johnny looked at me with a crazed smile.

"I need to remind you why you chose me, yeah" I shook my head, scared of him, like I was scared of Mista, like I was scared of Percy.

"John, I is sorry, I is so sorry, please" He laughed at me as he undid his pants and got on the bed in front of me. I took my legs and held them close to me, please not him too.

"You were gonna kill our baby, cause you think I want that pale bitch, you think I could fuck ha and not think of that creamy, wet, tight, pussy of yours, you're mine Vannah, just have to remind you" Johnny gripped my legs and forced them apart. 

"Please John, not you, please, not you" He wasn't listening, he wasnt even here with me. He was hurt, he was broken and I had done that.

"I neva wanted to be him Vannah, its more than bout owning you, I love you, I love you so much, and you want to leave, take our son from me, take our baby from me, dad says I just got to show you, I'm the man, youll listen to me when I show you i'm the man" I couldn't breathe, as I felt Johnny try to force himself inside me.

"I just want you Vannah, always, always since we was kids" I screamed as he breached my walls, the pain was worst than anything I had ever felt. Worst than Percy ever could have hurt me. Johnny moved slowly, kissing my face, and covering my mouth as I screamed and pleaded for him to stop. 

"I don't want to do this Vannah, I don't" He stopped moving and cried on my shoulder, pulling  out of me, he shook his head.

"What have I.........................................................what did I" He moved his hand away from my mouth, crying and punching his head. I sat up and held his fists down as he tried to hurt himself again.

"I had no right, I'm not him, I hurt you, I hurt you, I hurt you" I held onto Johnny as we cried together, feeling pain between my legs. I know I said I didn't want the baby, but I take it back, please God, don't let me lose my baby. This was all my fault.