Color Blind

No Excuse

Journey ^^

When I woke up I was alone in the cabin Trey made for me. I laid there for a moment, trying to gather my thoughts, when I was able to remember what happened last night. I felt between my thighs and almost cried when there was no blood, and I didn't feel pain so much as being sore. I was afraid to go back to the mansion, but I wanted my baby boy, Johnny wouldn't take him from me would he? It was then that I heard loud yelling, and a womans voice.

"You fucking disgrace, for a nigger girl, what ya think ya go do wit her ha, I could have my men...................." There was a loud scream and I went out the door to see a carriage in front of the mansion. Mr. Wilder, his daughter, and Mista was outside. Johnny held his hand up to them while Momma put Riva in the carriage. He was leaving and taking my baby. No, No.

"Johnny, please dont" Johnny looked at me and I saw he had a pistol in his hand. What was going on?

"I was on my way to you, come on in the carriage" I gave him a confused look as Journey got in the front of the carriage with the driver.

"Come on before I have to commit murder love" he held his hand out to me and I gripped it tightly.

"You think i'll let you leave boy, you the last I got" Mista came at us to grab me and Johnny hit him with the gun so hard, he fell.

"Im going to make sure her and my babies are safe, then I'll come back and do as you please, if I'm going to be you, the people I love will never see that side of me again. I'll be back in a year, you can stay alive till then old man, just want to see the birth of my last child with the only woman i'll ever love" I looked at Momma who stood behind the Wilders, wondering why she wasn't coming. She smiled and blew me a kiss before walking inside. I hadn't seen Chris in a while, but I had hoped he could leave with us too. I held Riva in my lap as Johnny got in the carriage and tapped the side so that we could go. I looked at our beautiful baby and we just rode in quiet.

"Vanna......................Vannah..........................I cant begin to tell you"

"Ya was drunk" he shook his head no, and looked down at his lap, not meeting my eyes.

"No excuse for what I did, I hit you, I raped you, i'm not better than him Vannah, I won't ...................I made a promise to you..........................Paris remember" I shrugged my shoulders and moved over to his side of the carriage,

"S'okay" he slowly wrapped a hand around my waist and shook his head again.

"Nothing I have done, nothing I have put you through is okay, I bought you a home, you, Journey, and our little ones in Paris, I just want to see the birth of our child, then I'll leave, marry the Wilder girl, and you'll be free, I just ask that I can visit them sometimes, I bought Journey from my father so she could help you, you both will find nice men to be good to you and the kids" Tears filled my eyes as I laid on his shoulder. 

"I'm so sorry I let you down Vannah, that I couldn't be the man I promised to be, I love you, but I don't own you, and if we stayed that's what I would have wanted, say something please" I looked up at him through blurry eyes and reached up to kiss his lips.

"I loved ya first, I neva stopped, I neva will, dont matta where ya are Johnny, ya hurt me, bad, ya did, but I know I hurt ya first"His grip tightened on me and he kissed the top of my head, as the ride to the boat was left in silence. 

Once we arrived there were men who helped us on board, and I couldn't help but be awed by everything I saw. I had never traveled, I had never set foot off the plantation. I held Riva tight as we looked at the huge body of water. Everyone was moving around, working and fixing this and that.

"I bought you a dress to get changed into, I doubt we should arrive in Paris with you wearing that shift, its one of your mothers, I know your hips expand a little when you're carrying, but it should fit"I nodded my head as he reached for Riva, Journey came and gripped my hand tightly, running us down some stairs and into a room, where she flopped on the bed.

"Can you believe it, we're going to Paris, we'll live in Paris as free negro gals" I wanted to say she had always been free, but she was a woman, so that wasn't exactly true. 

"Journey ya get ta talk ta Chris foe we leave" She shook her head no and gave me a confused look.

"Ya ain't know, Chris ran away, Pa tried to find him, we don't know whea he at, they seen the letta Percy wrote ya, John got real mad, drinking everything in da house before he left ta find ya, Ms. Brown was bout to take ya baby, I tol ma you would neva, she was right mad too, John didna hurt ya, did he" I shook my head no and looked at the dress that was just as pretty as Journeys. 

"Ok, well lets get ya dressed than, can't come to Paris looking like no Slave gals, and make sho ya thank John properly" She winked and as I picked up a pillow to throw, I remembered him holding his hand over my mouth, thrusting inside me as I screamed. 

"Vannah........Vannah" I ran to the toilet in the bathroom and threw up until I dry heaved. 

"I'll get John" Before I could stop her she ran to get the last person I wanted to see right now.