Color Blind

Babies

I woke up in a bed next to a warm body. I smiled as I curled myself up against this unknown person and heard a feminine chuckle.

"It's bout dat time ta open dem purrty eyes Vannah" My eyes slowly opened and I smiled at Mama. Everything from yesterday suddenly came back to me.

"Mama, Chris, whea he at" I asked sitting up too quickly, and groaning at the pain I was feeling between my thighs. I slowly sat back down rubbing between my thighs to ease the soreness.

"Vannah, ya didn't" I looked over at Mama who looked a lot better since yesterday, smiling at me as she sat up. 

"Didn't what" I asked confused as to what she was speaking about. Mama sat up and looked around before smiling at me.

"Which of dem boys ya let take it" Oh, that!! I was sure my chocolate cheeks were turning red with how embarrassed I was feeling right now.

"Look at dat cocoa turnin cherry red" I laughed at mama as I looked down and played with the straw pieces on the bed.

"Both of em" Mama looked confused for a moment and then bit her bottom lip and shook her head. Had I upset her?

"Ya let Johnny and den Trey" I nodded my head and she looked relieved for a moment before taking my hand in hers.

"I's gonna hate myself fo sayin dis to ya baby gal, but ya hav dat white boys baby, ya be takin real good care of, but ya won't eva have real luv, Trey give you dat real luv Vannah, beautiful cocoa babies, but ya be a slave till end o' yo days" I became confused as to why momma was talking about babies, I wasn't having a baby, I don't think. I didn't when Percy had raped me.

"Why you talkin bout babies fo mama, I ain't have no babies when Percy took me" Mama laughed at me and I frowned, I was still confused.

"My baby girl, we ain't have da talk, and ya daddy sholl wont do it, Percy took you from the ass, you ain't gettin a baby dat way, when a man and woman lay, the man give his seed to ya womb, ya womb hold the baby, so ya go have a baby real soon Vannah" I touched my stomach and felt tears start to fall. I didn't want to bring a child into this world. I don't want that!!

"How I get rid of it" Mama gave me a look and wiped my tears before frowning heavily at me. She stood up and gripped my hand standing me up.

"Don't talk stupid Vannah, ya go piss me off, ain't no gettin rid of my grand baby, ya woman enough to lay dere and let dem boys have dey way, ya go deal with what ya get, ya get me" I nodded my head tears still falling from my eyes. Why did Trey and John do this to me?

"So dey both the father den" Momma shook her head no and I followed her outside. She took a deep breath of the air and smiled wide. She had been stuck inside that house for as long as I can remember.

"If dat baby white, he Master Johns, if it black he Trey's, we see soon won't we" We grabbed our baskets and walked into the field to begin picking cotton.

"How long I gotta hold it" Momma seemed to think for a while as I touched my stomach. I still kind of wanted to get rid of it.

"When dat baby read' to come, he come" I frowned, I was scared, I wasn't ready to be a momma, if it was Trey's baby what if they took it and sold it. That would be one way to get rid of it, but I would want to keep it after that right.

"Mama, I's scared" Momma looked over at me and her face fell as she pulled me into a tight hug. Tears fell from my eyes and onto her shoulders.

"I's here baby, I's here"That's made me feel a lot better. We finished a couple of barrels and Master's crop man sent us home when the sun set. He wasn't a bad man, and only whipped us when we got lazy. Me and mama walked into the shack and was greeted with loud yells and lots of people in the shack. Mama laughed and hugged me to her as Papa came over. He leaned down and gave mama a long kiss.