Color Blind

Not As Beautiful As Your Sister

"Vanna, Vanna, get yo ass down to dat lake and clean yo sista, Mista John be coming over soon and I don't want him seein ha like dat" I slowly got up off the floor, bending a little to ease my aching back. I cleaned the entire cabin today, rubbing the rotten wooden floor until I couldn't see a speck of dirt on there, just like momma used too. 

"Papa, why can't Chris do it, I been cleanin all" I was cut off by a hard smack to the face. Tears threatened to fall but I wouldn't let them. I knew better than to smart off to PaPa.

"I told you little gal, that mouf o' yours gon get you in some trouble, now do as I said, and once you done, you can take that smart mouf and get on dat field" I just nodded my head as Papa glared at me. Sometimes I think he hates me. I was his only real child and he would treat Journey and Chris like they were some type of Gods. Chris gave me a sad look that I ignored and I went and grabbed my six year old little sister's hand.

"Pick me up slave" I frowned at Journey but ignored her as we made the small walk towards the lake. Once there I began pulling off her make shift and used the last of the soap in the washbucket to clean her off.

"I'm cold, slave, you doin it wrong" I sighed as I ignored her again. I was starting to believe that she actually thought I was her slave.

"Stop callin me dat Journey, I ain't yo slave" Journey smiled at me real big as I washed her off and went to get her clean makeshift gown.

"You is my slave, you my nigga slave, daddy says you is" I frowned, my father would never say that, would he?

"I take care of you gal, cause yous my sista and I love ya, but I ain't no damn slave" I said angrily as I pulled her shift down then pulled her hair from the collar.

"I'm telling daddy you back talkin again, get you a good whippin slave" She laughed at my frowning face and then stopped suddenley. I turned around to see Mista Johns youngest son Percy walking up with a mean look on his face. He hated all blacks as the white people did, but for some reason, he hated me the most. 

"Look at what lil nigga girls I found, my little nigger sister and her nigga sister, what you doing girl" I kept my eyes down as I pretended to fix up Journey.

"You hear me girl" Journey stomped her foot and walked up to him.

"She washing me, what you want, leave ha alone boy" Percy's face became even more angrier and he moved as if he was about to hit her. I ran in front of her taking the blow across my ribs. I groaned in pain as Percy knelt beside me and put his hand over my throat.

"You get that little nigga bitch in check, you understand me" I nodded as I held his hands trying to pull them away as it was getting hard to breath.

"Percy, what you doing boy" He let me go and stood up, kicking dirt in my face in the process. I looked over to see Mista John and his oldest son walking towards us.

"This nigga girl was up to something funny father, just keeping the slaves in check" I sat up slowly trying to move away from all of them. i wish a wave would sweep me under right now.

"You had to choke her to do that" I looked up and saw his older brother looking very upset. He looked back at me and I thought I saw pity in his eyes.

"Mista John, I was jus...." Mista John walked over to me quickly with fire in his eyes until he was right in front of me.

"Did I say you could speak girl" I quickly shook my head no, I became so scared I thought I was going to pee on myself. 

"Daddy my slave was bathing me" Mista John looked back at Journey and smiled a little smile.

"What I tell you to call me Journey, you can't call me daddy unless it's me and momma member" Journey nodded and gave him a big smile. Mista John looked back at me, and something changed in his eyes as he looked me up and down.

"How old you is now girl" I was shaking I was so scared and I was now cold from having Journey get all that water on me while I was cleaning her.

"I's is te-ten sir" He touched my curly hair, down my cheek and the side of my neck before moving down between my chest bone and pulled up my chin.

"Yous a pretty little nigga girl, not as beautiful as your sister, and defintley not your momma, but you'll do one day" I could pretend I didn't know what Mista John was saying, but I did. I was ten, but my mind wasn't. I had seen awful things, I knew what awaited me once I came into womanhood. I could only hope I'd have it as good as momma. I just would never fall in love so when I suffered the same fate as momma, i wouldn't have children who cried with tears of joy and sadness at the sound of my being raped. I would feel nothing for anyone or anything. I was simply a pet, a dog to be used until I wasn't fun no more and I'm put down.

"Go home girl, let yo daddy know I'll be collecting Chris and Journey to see they momma tonight" My heart broke, a tear slipped out even though I tried hard not too. They would see momma again and I wouldn't.

"Then I want two bushels from you by tonight, have worms in them again girl, and you'll be eating them, understand" I wiped my face trying to rid myself of the dirt, grime and tears.

"Yes Mista John" I grabbed my sister's hand again and walked back to the shack were Papa was waiting outside. He looked at me and for a moment I thought he would comfort me, but he fixed his face quick.

"Get yo ass on that field Vannah or no supper" I wanted to say I'd rather eat the worms than the slop Papa makes, but my face was still sore from the last slap and my ribs were mighty bruised. I said nothing else as I grabbed my bag and went on the field to pick some cotton. I sometimes wondered why God wouldn't just take me from this, I would rather be in heaven with him than in this hell.