This is my first story on here and I know it sounds confusing so i'm willing to answer any and all questions. This is a fictional story about slavery times and I will be very candid and be as honest as I can with what I know about this time in histo...
I watched her recoil from my touch, and my heart broke each time. It was my fault that she was sick, that she was scared, that she hated me whether she wanted to admit it or not. I held our son, sitting on the bed as I listened to her vomit. I sent Journey in there to hold her hair, since the thought of me made her violently ill. While I understood, I needed to make sure she took care of herself, for her and the baby. She wasn't really eating and she wasn't sleeping as I could hear her crying when I wanted to enter the room. I had slept in a chair outside her door for the past week on this boat, not really slept, more like listened to her cry, listened to her beg me to stop. When I closed my eyes I saw the fear on her face, how incredibly broken she looked as I......................................I raped the woman I loved. Journey came out the bathroom and looked at me, I thought she rolled her eyes as she left out the room. Great, just another person to add on the list of who hated Johnny. The beautiful vision of Vannah, holding her small baby bump, and wiping her mouth with a towel came from the resting room. She looked up at me and stopped moving towards the bed, I laid Riva down and moved away so she could lay down.
"I brought you some coffee, biscuits, butter and marmalade, your favorite the orange kind, I got a French book too, I thought I could teach you some more" She gave me a small smile, then a flinch as I knew what was running through her mind.
"Right, maybe later" I felt a small hand on my arm and looked up to see my son gripping me.
"Papa lay, me n mommy"I looked over at the only woman I would ever love, and frowned as she was sweating, and her beautiful dark skin paled. I laid down, being sure not to touch her and placed Riva between us.
"Papa sad" I nodded my head and kissed my son on the forehead. How he looked so much like me, I was so proud of what we had done.
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"Mama sad, Riva sad" he finished as he hid his face on my chest and cried.
"Not for long son, you and mommy be happy in Paris, real soon" he looked up at me with eyes so much like my own.
"Daddy too" I couldn't help but chuckle at the face he was making. I kissed his forehead again and held him close, wanting to cry knowing I wouldn't be able to see him everyday after my year was up.
"When Mommy and Riva are happy, daddy will be happy" He gave me a watery smile before laying on me again and falling asleep quickly. I looked at the back of Vannah, wanting so bad to touch her, but knowing I didn't have that right. Not anymore. I closed my eyes and followed my son to sleep. When I awoke I couldn't feel the small body, but something much softer, rounder. I opened my eyes hoping I wouldn't be met with a look of disgust, or that I hadn't crossed a line in my sleep. Too many times back home when Vannah was upset with me, did I reach over for her, only to touch the left side of the bed. Vannah's chest was rising and falling, and her hand was over my hand, on her bump.
"Journey gots Riva, took im ta see dolphins" I nodded my head, wanted to get closer.
"Vannah" She slowly turned around and my heart broke at the look she gave me.
"Why ya hav ta hurt me, I didn't care when Papa did it, when Mista, not Percy, not even Trey, is I dat bad you hav ta hurt me"I shook my head no and pulled her closer to me, despite my instincts telling me not too, when she didn't pull away, I kissed her lips softly. I had to, I was addicted to her, I needed her to breathe, to live.
"I hav ta tell ya da truth, I hav ta tell ya erythang, Im da bad one, not you, ya perfect Vannah"
