Forgive Me , Maybe ?

Chapter 22

It was the next morning , well afternoon , and I was laying on my bed crying .I  felt so betrayed, I thought him and I had something. I was mourning myself to death when my mom came In with a bowl of soup.   

"Baby are you ever going to tell me what's wrong?" I haven't told her , I wanted to but every time I tried tears ran down my cheeks so much .  

"It hurts mom it's hurt " I screamed. 

"Baby I know , I know but what happen? I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong?" She said sadly . 

"It feels like he ripped my heart out and shoved it down my esophagus".

"Who ? Shawn ?" I simply shook my head saying yes .  "Oh my god what happened?" She said with confusion.

"He ... he ...he cheated on me !!!" I said breaking down again . 

"Aww baby I'm so sorry , why would he do this ? My poor daughter !" She said startled as she hugged me . Her hug was just what I needed at this moment.

I spent the rest of the day with Jude watching chic flics on the couch. James disappeared early today I don't know what's up with him, but I didn't mind , it means I have Jude all to myself. I was laying on his lap and he was playing with the my hair. I simply let sleep take over me .  

I started feeling a light annoying tap on my leg . I groaned and moved my leg to the side so that I could avoid it . It returned and was getting me pissed of so I kicked .

"Ow! Marla what the f*ck !" I hear My brother said which caused me to sit up and I saw him holding his face . I giggled then felt a shift beside me . I turned around and saw Jude rubbing his eyes adorably, he must've fallen asleep to.  

I turned back to my James and replied "you should've known better then to mess with my sleep" as I stretch my arms . 

I got up and dragged myself to my room leaving Jude and James behind. I closed the door and went to my bathroom. I stared at myself for a good minute or so . I felt empty. I wasn't hungry , I wasn't happy, I was just blank . I felt numb , I felt as if there was something heavy placed on top of my heart and was pushing it down.   I was startled when my phone vibrated.

It was probably  something about my pictures. I wish that I could removed them , matter of fact I wish that I'd never let him take them in the first place. It was his fault that now almost the whole grade have seen parts of me that they weren't supposed to see . It was his fault that now there were naked pictures of me floating around from phone to phone.   I looked back at the mirror and saw a single tear dropping out of my eyes . What's sad it's that I still want to be with him , I still want him to love me , I still want him to be with me . Maybe if I stop being a cry baby and get over myself him and I could get back together, I mean lully did trick him , it was her fault not his , maybe I should call and apologize for being a bitch to him . If I do maybe He'll take me back and we could try again.  

I walked slowly back to my phone and held it in my hand and sat on the side of my bed slowly. I sat there thinking about it for a while . I was about to open it when I received a notification which was a text from him .

Bae: Marla I'm outside, we need to talk about this whole thing, plz come out.

I stood up and looked out my window and saw his car parked on the other side of the road . I swallowed then picked up a sweater and made my way downstairs to the front door . I closed it lightly and walked towards his car . I open his car door and entered. I stared down at my hands for a little more then two seconds then looked up towards him .

"What happened to you ?" I said. As I looked at his bruised face .

He exhaled then responded "James happened " he touched his black eye lightly and flinched. "But it's alright though , I deserved it "

"That you did " I agreed .

"Listen Marla , I am so sorry , I swear I didn't know lully was going to do something like that , I didn't mean to hurt you , I wasn't trying to it just happened , she came at me and I just couldn't say no , I wish that I could take it back but I can't , please forgive me Marla " he said holding my cheeks with his hands and staring at me with sad eyes .

I gave him a sad smile " it's ok , I I don't blame you , well I do but I blame your sister more "

"Marla I can't apologize enough for what had happened"

" I forgive you " he lightly removed a strand of hair from my eyes and kissed my forehead.

"maybe we can work through this , I mean it's gonna be a bumpy ride but I think we can work make it through, just ..just promise you won't let it happen again " I said hopefully. He removed his hands from my face and bit his lip .

"About that ,... I decided it would be better if kernel and I got back together I ....."

"What! Why?" I said looking at him in disbelief.

" well... umm you see, kernel and I have been hanging out lightly, and we decided that it would be better if her and I try to work things out "

"What ,I don't understand? " I said looking at him bewildered.

"Marla , we have a baby on the way , and we think that it would be better if we go through it together then to be enemies and have our child suffer , I'm sorry "

"You've been saying your sorry for a while now , the word is starting to lose its value " I whispered almost at my breaking point .

"Marla baby plz "

"I still don't get , you and her have been trying for a while now , it clearly hasn't been working out because you guys kept having an on and off relationship when y'all were together, what's going to change now ?, it doesn't make sense? " I felt tears pricking down my face but I didn't care right now to wipe it off .

"The baby Marla, the baby , I think that the baby will fix us, it will fix our relationship, e work through our problems for our child , I don't want my baby to suffer in a broken home " he said as he wiped my left cheek ."please don't cry Marla , you have to understand....".

"UNDERSTAND WHAT ?! " I screamed "THE BABY IS NOT A THING ! IT DOESN'T HAVE MAGICAL POWERS TO MAINTAIN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS ! THE BABY IS NOT FUCKING HANDY MANY OR BOB THE BUILDER SHAWN ! "

"Marl..."

"UNDERSTAND WHAT?!" I continued "THERE IS NOTHING TO UNDERSTAND? IN FACT THE ONLY THING I CAN GET FROM THIS IS THAT OUR RELATIONSHIP MEANT NOTHING TO YOU , " I looked down at my hands then said shakily "it meant nothing to you , I meant nothing to you , all this time we spent together meant nothing to you "

I waited for him to add in , I waited for him to tell me our time together wasn't trash , I waited for him to tell me I wasn't just a piece of garbage that he could fuck , to tell me that I wasn't just trash that he could hit then throw away , for him to tell me that I meant something to him . I wanted him to laugh , I wanted him to tell me that this was just a big ole joke , a big dumb ,stupid, heartbreaking joke . I wanted him to say that I wasn't just a game and that we would be together but no. all he said was I'm sorry.

"Sorry my a$s Shawn , sorry won't repair my heart , maybe it's cause its not a f*cking baby " with that I walked out of the car and made my way back inside.