There's No Sunrise

11: So She's Leaving

A/N: I don't know why I chose Porcelain for the song Josh writes about Vivii, but remember he vowed to propose to her. Remember how I said they won't get married? You'll probably guess they won't have a happy ending.

(Vivii's POV)

It wasn't easy being someone with issues who was pregnant and trying to balance out that issue with a guy like Josh.

"I love you Vivii. I will always love you." Josh said, holding me close to him. A little Ramsay was inside me. Josh's son or daughter. I hadn't told him yet. I kept neglecting to ask about the gender .

"Let's just pray it isn't twins, Vivii," Josh said. "You know it's getting kinda old to be calling you Vivii all the time," Josh added and stared at me. "What about a new nickname for you? Like porcelain?" Josh hummed after that an unfamiliar song.

"Why?" I said.

"Because you're beautiful. Like a porcelain doll. Plus you're tiny." Josh chuckled and looked at me. He was so beautifully blue eyed, it betrayed him. He was so innocent once. I'd seen him go through addiction. I'd seen him fall down his dark path I couldn't steer them down upon.

"I really damn pr-" I said, but Josh started to sing and it cut me off.

"You thought by now you'd have it figured out, but you can't erase the way it pulls when seasons change.. It hurts sometimes to find where you begin, but you are perfect porcelain.. The slow and simple melody of tears you cannot keep from me.. It's alright if you don't know what you need." Josh softly sang, and I was confused. Was this why he wanted to start calling me Porcelain instead of Vivii?

"Josh I-" I started. He shushed me and laughed, smiling at me and continuing to sing. He always made up little songs around me and he never admitted to them being future Marianas songs.

"I'm right here when you need someone to see, let's not speak or forever hold your peace.. It's alright to take time and find where you've been... You are perfect porcelain.. The slow and simple melody of tears you cannot keep from me.. It's alright if you don't know what you need" Josh continued to sing and I was quiet throughout. He had a beautiful soft voice. All of the love songs on the last record were for Amanda, not for me. I knew this time around he had two up his sleeve he warned me about.

Josh stopped singing after that and I was able to speak. I was speechless. "Josh, your voice is beautiful soft.. Why don't you sing softer?" I added, "That will make a beautiful Marianas song.. Is there any ideas there for the next record?" I asked and Josh shook his head.

"Keep it a secret, but you're the first one that heard that song even sung. It's for the next record." Josh chuckled and looked at me. "Plus I thought I write it about Amanda at first, but I think I wrote it about you when I first wrote it." Josh smiled and kissed my cheek. He was romantic when he wanted to be, and a all around goof when he wanted to be. One of the types of guys I didn't expect Josh to be.

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Josh's POV

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Please don't reject me, I silently hoped as I went into my jeans pocket I kept the box in. Was going to propose when he or she was born, but fuck it. I'm doing it now. So Vivii and me can get damn married soon.

I sat there, playing with the box. I had an ingenious idea. Vivii hates cliches but she'll probably say yes. I had an idea. I got down the lyrics to that new song and put it on an engraving inside. I did it as a promise ring so we could skip the engagement shit. She was pregnant. Didn't need that many people around us.

I didn't know what would happen when Vivii saw it. She would reject me for damn sure. I didn't expect her to say yes or no to promising. Not proposing. Well a fooled proposal she'd say. I went up to her. "Vivii, will you please marry me?" I kept thinking of how to beg her to. She was carrying my son or daughter. Sure as hell I'll marry her. So the kid can have a proper life and a love filled life.

Vivii saw it before I could say anything. In my hand a shining tanzanite ring. She hates diamonds but likes her birthstone, so I thought to make it more of a promise ring then an engagement ring so she'd accept it. "Josh.. I..." Vivii examined the ring in her hand, looking at me and sighed. "I can't. I don't want to had that kind of stress plus you have no time to get married."

She said no.

"It's not a wedding ring okay? It's a promise ring." She took it and out it on and I thought all was perfect. We'd get married someday.

I woke up the next day alone. With a letter on the nightstand with Vivii's key beside it. The ring wasn't there. "I need some time, Josh.. I'm going to see my cousin in Chicago for a few months. To think things over.. I can't get married. That doesn't mean I won't ever get married...my aunt Katey died last night. I wasn't there.. And I have to be there to keep the assets." Shit. She left me! That basically means she ran away.

Oh god.. What the hell did I fuck up this time? I cried for most of the day and thought of ways to win back Vivii. So she wouldn't leave me forever.

I looked on the airport website, looked at my bank account. There goes my damn emergency savings. I hadn't really been doing good. Fucking apartment was expensive with twin persons living there but Vivii couldn't exactly stay anywhere else and plus homes were expensive too.

"There we go.." I thought of an idea to make sure her cousin doesn't intervene. Bring one of my bandmates. I called up Webb. Might as well cajole the guy into coming.

Then it turned into Webb calling Ayley, then calling Casselman. It was not my fault it turned into a band trip instead of just me.

"I have family in Chicago we can hang with," Ian said at the airport. "Josh you look like a turtle in that green colored hoodie."

"A badass turtle," I chuckled and joked. Plus her twin brother apparently was tall and could kick my ass, so I honestly wanted backup. Plus my plan wouldn't work without my bandmates.

I noticed a flyer in the wind for a record label audition. The label her cousin owned! I forget the name of it. "elaborate disguises time," I cheerily said. Thank god we had all that stuff from celebrity Status.

Unfortunately someone reported us going label hunting to Jonathon and I woke up next day to an irate call from our manager. "I know Vivii left you but looking for a new label in Chicago of all places while you're supposed to be recording the new album?!"

"I thought we could trick her cousin into signing u-" I said. "Then I'd see Vivii all the time."

"Josh, I know you really love Vivii, but Chad saw that photo with you and Pete Wentz. You do know he's undergoing therapy for a suicide attempt? With sleeping pills! You can't just mess with someone like that."

"Pete Wentz is also one of Vivii's cousins! For fuck sakes Jonathan. I love Vivii and I will fucking die for her." I said.

"You have deadlines to follow Josh. I know your choice matters but I am suggesting you don't get wrapped up in this shit at the moment. " Johnathon hung up and I stared at my feet.

I asked my bandmates if they would go back to Vancouver. I had to do this alone.