Two friends, True friends (Connor X Evan) [remake]

I'm a mess

I'm sorry for being literal trash. I really feel like I just make people feel worse. I just need to vent out a little.
My friend started crying during PE, I didn't know if it was me. It most likely was. She even ran away from me, that'd make sense though. I understand. I wouldn't wanna see me either.

I'm gonna get really personal, but last year I went through a whole month debating on wether I should kill myself. My best friend was my only solution. He's like my personal therapist. He helped me get through everything, and I love him (as a friend) so so much, he made a huge difference, but I'm so mad at myself for not telling him that. I sent pictures of holding a kitchen knife close to my neck, I regretted that so much. I was only 10, I was so young, yet I felt like I didn't belong anywhere.
I felt like nothing.

I can't even do the simplest things like keep up with this damn schedule and updating. I love you all and the support, but I just feel like I'm being shown that I don't belong.

I cough blood, which can lead to death, I have so many sicknesses, I'm being encouraged to kill myself and A LOT of other stuff.

I know I'm gonna regret saying this, I've cut my wrist, only 3 times. I've used so many excuses. People don't believe them, obviously. They call me names, and telling me that I don't belong there.

I'm gonna regret this so much.