Glass Hearts

Chapter 3:

Just a warning, this chapter deals with self harm so if it's triggering please don't read it because I don't want any of you lovely human beings hurting yourself okay? Ily

Chapter 3:

I managed to get my act together before the boys came home, and as soon as they walked in to check on me, I broke down again.

I told them about the songs, I told them that I saw Michael, I just didn't tell them the reason why I started playing.

Of course they knew that I used to cut, I just didn't want to worry them.

They stayed with me the majority of the night, the 3 of us sat on the couch and watched movies until Luke and Cal eventually crashed. And I went to my bathroom that was connected to my room, pulled out my box of razors and sat on the sink.

I didn't do anything, I just held it in my hands and listened to the sound of the faucet dripping.

I wanted to.

I wanted to so bad.

But I wanted to stay strong for Michael.

But he wasn't here, was he?

I fished around in the small box until I pulled out my favorite, the first one I used that I got out of a pencil sharpener.

I could almost hear Michaels voice telling me not to, the whine in his tone and the raspiness of his voice as he pleaded over and over again.

But it wasn't him, it was just my imagination.

So I pressed the blade against my skin and dragged it across until the blood started to surface, watching as it made its way into the base of the sink.

I winced, the pain taking over, but despite all of that, there was a smile on my face that stretched as far as it could.

Because this was the pain I needed to get over him.

Although I still never would.

***

When I finally fell asleep, I didn't see Michael in my room at first. Instead I saw a familiar scene.

I was in the bathroom, it was 3 years after I started cutting and the boys still didn't know at this point. It was the first time I got hate from fans, and I didn't know how to deal with it at this time.

And Michael walked in to see me on the ground with the razor in my hands.

"Ashton oh my God." He dropped to his knees, his voice shaky as he wrapped his arms around me tight.

I started sobbing and he held me tighter, taking the blade from my hands.

"Go away." I choked, making him look at me worriedly. "I don't want you to see me like this. I don't want you to view me as some... "Emo."" I spat, my voice harsh.

"Ash." He sighed, letting to long enough to roll up his sleeves.

There were scars everywhere.

Covering his arms.

I listen my hand shakily and began to trace them as he watched me cry.

"Don't hurt yourself anymore Ashton." He said his voice cracking.

And then he did something unexpected.

He crashed his lips against mine.

It was so... Passionate.

The scene switched, and I was in my room, my wrists covered in fresh cuts with Michael standing in the doorway.

He crossed his arms this time.

And I kept mine straight.

"Why?" He whispered.

"Because I can't do it without you."

There was a small silence and Michael walked over to me, pressing my head to his chest.

"Why did you leave?" I whispered and he didn't say anything. He just held me tight.

Until the dream was over and I woke up sobbing

Just like every night.