Paint your pain (Deidara x Reader: Modern)

1. A fresh canvas

Warning: This story has parts discussing rape, torture, self harm and suicide

I got away, finally I got away. At my old school I was always tormented by bullies and others who just liked to treat me like dirt. Money stolen, food tipped onto me, pants pulled down, if you wanted to torment someone I was the one to go too. Because I did nothing about it, I would just sigh and take the beating. I may have been strong enough to defend myself I just couldn't bring myself to harm another. Pain, that is all that I knew. School was hell for me. I wanted to die, I wanted to take my own life. But I pulled through, I got up and brushed myself off and painted. That is all that I did, I just painted. It felt right, the brush in my hand as I dipped it in paint and then dragged it along the page. My paintings told different stories, each one unique. Each one was a day at school and how I felt. Just before my father died he gave me a present, he told me it was for my 16th birthday but he said I could open it once he died. When he died I opened it and found a paint pallet with the words 'Paint your pain' engraved on it. Also there was a note, it read:

My dearest (Y/n)
I am sorry that my body can no longer fight this disease, it pains me to know that I am going to leave you all by yourself. But I know that you will pull through, you are a strong young woman and you have the potential to do something great. Share your art, share your story, share your life through your paintings. Paint your pain, so that every one can see what you are going through. The pain you have endured and the pain your will come face to face with in the future. Pain will never leave your life, when it stops it is never gone, it lays dormant waiting for you to forget. But pain will always return, you are brave, fight it. Others may not understand you but i do, I love you. I wish for you to live a happy life for me and your mother, we will be proud of you no matter what. You may not be the daughter that most want, but your ours and we will never leave your side. Please (Y/n) paint your pain, there is no need to take your own life like your mother did. Your pain can be fought, please stay alive for me. Live a life with new friends and create your own family.
I will watch over you forever my angel
Love Dad

Every morning you would read the letter, hoping for it to bring you happiness. I always brightened your mood just knowing that someone was watching over you. Someone who believed in you and was proud no matter what.

You got out of bed and had a quick shower. Living on your own wasn't as bad as you thought it would be. You smiled into the hot water as it soaked your entire body. After your shower you got dress and quickly had breakfast. You wore a black hoodie, light blue jeans and black converse. You locked your apartment door and shoved your hands in your pockets, you put in your head phones, blocking out all sounds. Nothing really mattered to you except art, an explosion of color and light. A visual expression of your inner most thoughts and feelings. You walked down the busy streets until you reached the school. Konaha high, there were several kids hang out in front of the school. Many turned their heads to look at you, smirking and turning back to their groups. You were not ugly, that was something no one could comment on. Your (h/l) (h/c) flowed in the wind and your (e/c) eyes sparkled in the light. You walked into the school and went straight to the office. "Excuse me I'm here to get my map and timetable", you say to the woman sitting in the office. "Name?", she asks. "(Y/n) (L/n)". She hands you your map and timetable and waves you off. You stare down at the map, navigating the halls. You see on the map where your locker is. You follow it and you sigh in relief when you finally find it. You put away all of your books except your math. You close your locker and turn to walk towards your first class. Then someone walks straight into you, you land on your bum and rub your forehead. You look up and see a blonde boy doing the same. He stands up and glares at you. "Hey watch where you are going, un!", he growls. "Sorry". He rolls his eyes and walks off. You pick your self off and walk down the hall to your first class. The bell goes and everyone runs to class. You get there last and are greeted by the teacher. "Hello you must be the new student, I'm Mr. Hatake", says a masked man claiming to be the teacher. You force a smile and he gestures you in. "Everyone we have a new student, I hope that you all are nice to her". You walk into the classroom and you feel all of the other students piercing stares. You look back at the teacher and he nods. "Hi um I'm (Y/n) I just moved here", you say nervously. "Do you have any interests?", Mr. Hatake asks. "I like art". The teacher nod and looks around the classroom. "(Y/n) you can sit over there between Kisame and Deidara". You look over and see the blond a** hole from before but also a boy who kinda resembles a shark. You walk over and sit in between them. The math lesson starts and you pull out your sketch book. You see the two boys beside you nosily look over your shoulder. You pick out a pencil, then look around the room to see what you can draw. Sitting on the window sill was a bird, lightly pecking the window. You began to draw, the pencil gliding across the page. Soon after you were left with the image of a little bird sitting on top of a sleeping cats head. All of your paintings and drawings had hidden meanings. This was for now the bird is safe but then the cat wakes up the bird is in severe danger. "What is that?", the blue boy next to you asks. "Just a bird and a cat", you say shrugging your shoulders. He smirks at the picture and leans over an whispers in your ear. "Hey can you draw me something?", he asks. You nod. "Can you draw me a shark killing people". You smirk and nod. "Do you want color, like red for all the blood?". He nods and looks forward. You begin drawing, ti was a sinking ship, sharks in the water below. The water was dyed red with blood, sharks swim around eating the people in the water, severed limbs and heads float on the waters surface. You hand the finished picture to Kisame, he smiles with his shark teeth. "You actually pretty cool", she smirks. You give him a closed eye smile. "Hey you two do art in art class, this is math", the teacher yells back at you. You were confused, us two, but there was only me. I turned my head and saw the blonde molding clay on his desk, it looked like a bird. You look back at the teacher and nod, then start doing your actual work.

Lunch time always frightened you, you had the choice to be apart of a group or be by yourself. You hadn't made any friends yet you just sat by yourself. You got a tray of food and sat at an empty table. You took out your sketch book and began drawing. You felt someone gently tap you on the shoulder. You turned and saw a pale boy with black hair. "Hello I'm Sai, may I sit with you?", he asks. "Y-yeah sure". He sits next to you and looks over at your sketch book. "Its beautiful", he says gently stroking the page. "Um thank you", your face heats up. "A hidden meaning, being different, am I correct?", he asks. You nod and look down at the picture. A garden full of butterflies, on one side there is a butterfly that looks different from the others. The other butterflies stay away from the different one. "Your (Y/n) right?". You nod in response. "Maybe we could friends", he say giving you a closed eye smile. You look at him in shock. "I'm sorry, did I say something wrong?". "No Sai you didn't do anything, its just I've never had friends", you whisper. Sai smiles at you again. "But how, I would think someone as pretty as you would have so many friends". You blush again and hide your face in your hair.

At another table the Akatsuki sit watching the new girl. "She is pretty hot", Hidan smirks. "Such a slut", mutters Konan. "We should fuck around with her", suggests Hidan. Kisame shakes his head. "Nah she's pretty cool, she drew this for me". Kisame held up the picture. Kakuzu smirked at the picture. "We will not be making friends with her, she just a nerd and we have treat all nerds alike", Pein announces. The Akatsuki nod at their leader.

Time skip

After school I walked with Sai. I waved as he got picked up and I sat on the grass beneath a tree, drawing. A girl sitting in the dark hugging her knees with someone with their hand on her shoulder. The beginning of a friendship, you smile down at the picture. "Why are you smiling?", asks a voice from behind you. You turn around and see a group kids standing in front of you. "I'm smiling at my drawing", you say. One of them runs forward and takes the sketch book from you. "Can you just give it back?", you ask in a bored voice. The one who took the book had slicked back silver hair. "What is all this depressing s***!", he yells at you. You shrug your shoulders and look away. "Just give it back". "So are you telling me what do now", he says getting really close to your. He pushes you up against a tree, then lightly caresses your cheek. "Your pretty you know that, you can have it back if you kiss me". You don't move. "Oh come on, you know you want to", he smirks and leans in. You don't move, his lips brush against yours. "Aw come on". He shoves the book into you, you collapse to your knees. You put your sketch book in your bag and stand up. The boy came up behind and wrapped his arms around your waist. This time you pushed him off. "What the f*** is your problem, Leave me the f*** alone!", you yell, running away. Hidan smirks at you as your un off. "I like her she's feisty". "Pein why are we picking on her, she could be popular?", Kisame asks. Pein stares back at him. "If you are developing feelings for the nerd, then you can join her", he growled. Kisame held up his hands as if to surrender.

You didn't stop running until you home. Tears streaming down your cheeks, you ran into your apartment. You locked the door and slid down it onto the ground. "I'm sorry Daddy, I promised I wouldn't", you say. You gently pull up your sleeve and gently touch the scars on your arm. You got up and reached for a knife, you pulled it down to your arm. Your hand shaking, you screamed and threw the knife away. You ran into the spare room and opened the window, then stood in front of your easel. You picked up the paint pallet and ran your fingers over the lettering. You began to paint, paint your pain.