Paint your pain (Deidara x Reader: Modern)

4.The box of last words

Warning: This story has parts discussing rape, torture, self harm and suicide

I walked down the quiet street with Deidara beside me. He seemed so happy, his smile warmed my insides. I started to get really nervous because he kept looking at me. Was there something on my?! Ugh I'm just over reacting, I haven't felt these feelings in so long. What is wrong with me? I can't escape him now, we are art partners and I love art. I don't want to stop just because someone is always there to terrorize me and he hasn't said anything mean to me at all. "Hey (Y/n) are you OK?", he asks. You snap out of your thoughts and nod. "Yeah I'm fine just lost in thought". He nods and pushes his hair out of his face, he has such long blonde hair. I love it, it suits him so well. I mentally slap myself. "I can't do this". "What?", Deidara asks. "Oh sorry did I say that out loud", I nervously giggled. He smiled back at me, ignoring it.

After what seemed like forever we made it to my apartment. I unlock the door and step into the apartment, closing the door behind us. "So it's just you here?". "Yup, just me". He walked around looking at the art on the walls. "Did you do all of these?". Nodded your head. "All of them except that one", you say pointing to the one of the flower. I'm gonna have a quick shower so you can do what ever, I have food in the fridge if you want some", He nods and goes straight to the fridge.

After making a sandwich and eating it Deidara decided to explore more, he knew that there was a bathroom, your bedroom and another room. He walked into the other room and smiled, inside was an art easel and the walls and floor were covered in paintings. When he got closer to the easel he felt a stabbing pain in his heart. The most recently painted picture was of a girl hugging her knees with a spot light shining down on her. A small piece of paper attached to it with the word 'exposure' on it. This was from yesterday, exposing herself to the Akatsuki, all of her pain and insecurities. He left the room and sat down on the couch, something caught his eye. On the mantle piece sat a small chest, Deidara stood up and opened it. There were four pieces of paper inside, he looked over all of them. He frowned when he realized what they were. Two were suicide notes and one was her fathers last words. One suicide note was Itami's and the other was her mothers. He held the blank paper in his hands for a while until he realized what it was... it was hers. As soon as he put the letters away (y/n) came out of the bathroom. "Hey are you alright?", she asked. Deidara didn't realize that his entire body had tensed. He nodded. "Yeah sorry you just gave me a fright", he said rubbing the back of his neck. "Well anyway what do you think we should do for our project?", you ask. "I liked your idea, painting clay". You nod and smile. "You you wanna have something basic or with hidden meaning?". He thought for a minute before replying. "Hidden meaning I guess, what should it be?". "What do you hate?", you ask. "What does that have to do with it?". "Just answer the question", you demand. "Well I hate when my dad tries to control me". "OK so you want freedom, that's a good one". "What does that even relate to art?", he asks. "Well I find it easier to paint your pain, the picture on the easel in the other room follows that concept, I know you've seen it". He nervously nods. "So how do we paint freedom?". "Well how about you make a clay bird and we can paint little people in the air holding onto bunches of balloons". "How how will people be able to tell what it means?". "We must show people chained to the ground, because you must show the before and the after if you are giving a message such as that". Deidara nods and takes in all of this new information. He thought he was really good at art, but since meeting her he has been thinking otherwise. She knows so much, she has so much experience. "Hey Deidara are you alright? You've been staring at me for a while now". He snapped out of his thoughts. "Yeah sorry I just got a bit distracted". I giggled and went to get us something to drink. Deidara physically slapped himself this time. "Idiot", he mumbled. Why was this happening to him? He wasn't supposed to have these feelings, he just wanted them to go away. He pulled some clay out of his bag and began sculpting.

I wanted back into the room with two glasses full of juice. I set them on the coffee table next to us and watched him sculpt. "Its beautiful", I whisper. I see his face heat up, but I just ignore it. A few minutes later he hands me the finished bird. "Wow this is great, I didn't know you were this talented", I say. He chokes on his own words and hides his splutters in his glass of juice. "Such detail". He finishes choking and watches as I admire his work. I leave the room and come back with with several tubes of pain and my paint pallet. I place them on the table and Deidara picks up the pallet. He runs his fingers gently over engraved words. "Wow", he says. "My father gave it to me before he died", I say. Deidara nodded and looked over the different paints I had brought out. "You have so much paint", he chuckles. "Well its one of the only things I do", I say, giggling with him.

Its been  couple of hours and Deidara and I are almost done. I was kinda sad that we were almost finished, I wanted him to come over tomorrow as well but I know that my feelings won't be mutual. He probably wants to get out of here as soon as he can.

Deidara's POV

I can't believe we are almost done. I really want to finish it so see how well we have done but I also want this to last forever. I see her painting, her tongue sticking out slightly as she concentrates. I can't help but think that its adorable. She was so beautiful yet she had to go through so much pain. Some one like her should never have to deal with that, I wish that she would let me be the one to make her happy.

My phone vibrates in my pocket, I pick it up. "Hello?". "Hey Deidei its you mother, where are you?". "I'm doing an art project with a friend". "Oh is it a girl?!". "Um yeah". "Let me talk to her!". "No you can't talk to her". "Why is that? Are you embarrassed? Do you like her?". "What no I don't, sorry mom I gotta go, I will be coming home soon". "Bye sweetie, love you". Deidara sighs  and tucks his phone in his pocket. He looks over at (Y/n) who is giggling. "Cute", she giggles. Deidara just rolls his eyes and smirks. Finally we finished, I got up. "Hey thanks for letting me do it here", he says. "No problem", I smile. I get up and follow him to the door. "I was actually dreading being your partner in art but I actually had fun", you say. He smiles back at you. "Yeah um same here, maybe we can hang out some other time?". You hesitate. "Um yeah sure, just lemme know when". "Hey can I maybe get your number, cause you know we are partners now", he says. You nod and hide you blush by running inside and grabbing a piece of paper. You write your number on it and hand it to him. He waves and walks out. I close the door and run to my bedroom, collapsing on my bed. Ugh why does he make me feel this way.

I walked out of the apartment with a smile on my face. I typed the number into my phone making a new contact. I type in her name but then delete it. I have a much better name for her. 'Art'.