For Infinity

Part 39: Unresolved Emotions

No matter how long it's been, there are times it becomes harder to breathe.
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After a night which seemed long, Nandini stirred half asleep as she swept her hand on the other side of the bed in search of his warmth. But only finding the cold of his absence, her eyes jerked open and looked around her room frantically. Her heart immediately fell into place when she finally saw his heroic like figure leaning across the railing of her French window. A cup of coffee rested in his hands which had turned cold a long time ago. She could clearly see that he was lost, deep in some thought. Perhaps, something happened between him and Chacha and just thinking about it made her ache a bit. She quietly made her way towards Manik just to not get him startled. Nandini slowly crept her tiny arms around his waist and laid her head on his rigged back. Her mere touch evoked his senses as Manik sighed in relief. In that moment all he wanted was for the world to stop moving.

"Good morning, love." He cooed to her as he took her dainty fingers and locked them with his. Leaving a soft kiss on the back of her palms, he turned around to see the most beautiful face in the world smiling upon him. "Good morning to you too, handsome." She replied making him smile which gave her a bit of relief. "How are you feeling? Does it pain anymore?" Manik switched back into serious mood as he brushed his fingers across her cheeks. She tried not to flinch because her pain wasn't the matter of the moment. She wanted Manik to talk. "I'm fine now. Par meri chodo tum batao. Are you fine? And don't you dare lie to me Manik." He looked lost for a moment but he gathered himself like he always does. Manik was a man of strength. He knew he had to be careful about what he says. "Main.. Mujhe? Mujhe kya hoga? I'm fine as always. Kuch bhi sochti ho tum Nandini." He gave a fake smile just to fool her but as always Manik underestimated how well she knew him. "You really haven't got to know me na? I can feel it when you're upset Manik. Kal raat tum jiss tarah mere pass aaye usse saaf pata chal gaya ki kuch hua hain. Just tell me what's bothering you. Please."  Seeing that there was no way out of it,  Manik made up his mind not to keep it a lie anymore. It was high time Nandini talked about her pain or else it would keep eating her from inside. "Okay, fine. But not now. Get fresh and come down for breakfast. We will talk after that." Agreeing to what he said, Nandini was about to walk away when he stopped her. "I love you. Don't ever forget that." "I know, Manik because I love you too."
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After a quick breakfast, Manik & Nandini sat at their usual place, the swing in the middle of the Verandah. Somehow the silence that prevailed was nothing but pleasant. Nandini was so afraid thinking that he is furious because of her plan with Chacha. She knew how sensitive he was about his father and his past and yet she chose to disclose some of it for the sake of saving the father-son relationship. She risked losing him to protect him. But little did she know that Manik was fighting altogether a different battle. That whatever he was going to talk about might hurt her in numerous ways possible. Not being able to take the silence anymore Nandini spoke, "Before you say anything Manik I want to apologize. I am really truly sorry for what I did yesterday. I know I betrayed you but believe me I wouldn't do it on purpose. I couldn't see you hurting because of what happened. I had to make you realize your love for your father. Please forgive me." A stray tear rolled down the corner of her eyes because Nandini could never imagine hurting him. Manik already felt defeated seeing her that way but he had to tell her everything. He wiped her tears and held her hand. "Don't you dare apologize. I know why you did what you did. I was angry at first but when Chacha explained me everything, I couldn't stop thinking about how lucky I am to ever fall in love with you." The breath that Nandini was holding came back to her in a whoosh. She was not going to lose him. "But Nandini I need to talk to you about something." Now, she wasn't scared she was confused. "But promise me you won't panic. You won't be angry." "Of course Manik. Tell me whatever it is please." Manik took a nervous sigh and looked right into her eyes. "Yesterday Chacha told me about your parents, Nandini." Parents, that single world shook her core. A painful memory of her past flashed through Nandini's  mind as her fingers left the hold of his hand. She wasn't ready to talk about it at all. She had buried it in the deepest and darkest part of herself where no one could find it and for Manik to bring it out like this felt completely wrong. Her lips quivered and eyes watered at the thought of her beloved parents lost long. Manik's heart clenched in its cage seeing her so broken, so vulnerable. He cursed himself mindlessly for saying it out loud but didn't regret it because she needed to hear it. "Manik I don't know what he said but I cannot and can never talk about it. Please leave it right now." She begged for him to change the subject but he had to do it for. He had started it and now he couldn't stop. "No Nandini. You can't run away from it and me now. You will have to let it out. You can't keep it locked inside. You just can't." Manik was not letting it go easily and that infuriated her more. She felt angry at how helpless she felt. The anguish was too much for her to bear and she needed it to stop. She rose from her seat and looked furiously at him. How could he do that when he knew how much it pained her? "What the hell Manik? How dare you? You cannot do this to me. If you can't end it then I will. I'm going away right now." Before Nandini could run he held her arms and pulled her down on his lap. He secured his arms around her in an iron like hold. She squirmed and struggled but it was too strong. "I'm not going to leave you Nandini. You wanted to talk so here we are. You are going to tell me everything. I know it hurts you baby. But it hurts me more to see you like this. You have to talk about them. It's been 6 years and you still haven't completely healed. Let me heal you. Please." She looked so exhausted that he wanted to just stop it right there but he was too determined. A sob left her mouth because of the burn she was feeling. Manik's heart too cried for her. He comforted her in all ways possible. Manik knew how difficult it was for her to even think about it. "I can't talk about it Manik. It hurts in ways unimaginable. It hurts too much." He placed a soothing kiss on her forehead just to make it a bit better for her. He understood how aggravating was this for her. "I know baby. But why can't you talk to me? I am Manik. Your Manik." She looked at him with sore eyes and said, "Because.. Because they are dead Manik. They are no more. They left me when I was just a child to never return back. My Amma and Appa are not here anymore." And whatever little courage that she had within her was no more there. She was completely vulnerable and open as a book. Anyone could read how damaged she was. The words that left her mouth broke Manik into innumerable pieces. The extent of her grief was beyond what he had imagined. He couldn't do it anymore and was ready to stop when she spoke further. "I was just 12 when it happened. One moment I was playing with Rishabh and in another moment my life turned upside down. I.." "You don't have to do this Nandini." Manik interrupted her but she wanted to say it. "No let me do this." "Okay baby. I'm listening." He cooed to her. "I was damaged Manik. Imagine losing the most important people in your life at an age where you don't understand a thing. I had to look after my brother and my old grandmom. At such a young age I was given the responsibility of taking care of others that I couldn't mourn my parent's death. It still eats me from inside that I was stolen of everything. I don't regret playing the adult but God Manik I missed being a child." A dam of unresolved emotions which had been built within her was finally breaking through. For the first time in so many years Nandini shared her part of the sorrow. She could mourn her loss without feeling the heaviness of guilt and responsibilities. Manik started seeing her in a different kind of light. Somewhere within a strong and independent Nandini there was a broken child in need of love and care. This is the reason why he needed to break through her walls so that he could give her the tenderness she deserved. His love for her had increased ten folds.

He slowly wiped away Nandini's tear stained cheeks and gathered her in his strong arms. He cradled her like a child and brushed her soft hair with his fingers. "Listen baby. I'm so so proud of you. I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you to share this. The thing is that this grief is forever. You cannot get over the loss of loved ones. But the other thing is that you will heal. You will remember them in your happy memories. Also you have me now. All your responsibilities are mine now. You can be the child you wanted to be. You are my baby and nothing will change that. I will help you with everything. Don't you ever feel that you are alone. I'm by your side till the end of time." Maybe, Manik could never give her back the lost childhood but he could definitely give her the warmth she needed. It meant the world to Nandini because that's what she always wanted, someone to care so selflessly , someone to love her unconditionally. The heaviness that was attached to her disappeared a bit. There was a ray of hope, her Manik. "Thank you. Thank you for coming into my life and saving me from the darkness of my past. I'm a lucky girl would be an understatement. I love you Manik more than words can define. You're mine and nothing would ever change that. You're my forever after."

"The feelings are mutual baby girl."

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Sorry for disappearing guys but the truth  is that I have lost interest. But I will definitely complete this book for you all. Thank you for your patience.

-Ashkins