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holdfast

[a/n: my darkest poem ever]

i told you yesterday,
"it's ending tonight."
"what? what's ending?"
"this. me."

we had to keep doing our schoolwork,
but i could tell the shock had hit you.
harder than it hit anyone else.

then you started sobbing.

i grabbed your hand and a tissue box
and we ran off to the bathroom, where you
cried your eyes out and i held you.

"i don't like to cry. it makes me weak," you whispered.
"it's okay," i said back. my own tears were
flowing now too, our faces streaked with
wet makeup and salt.
"i haven't been held in a long, long time."
"sometimes, you just need to be held."

you told me that i was your holdfast, your anchor.
(i couldn't help but think that anchors sink.)
that if you lost me, you wouldn't be able to do it
anymore. i was your last straw, and
you knew you couldn't go on without me.
and i knew then that i couldn't leave you here all alone.

even if you're a homophobe and suck at cheering people up
and your mom knows i'm bisexual and wants me dead for it,
you still did save my life.
i'll never leave you. i can't. i know that now.

thank
you.
♥