The Will of Love and Life (Peterick)

Chapter Eleven

Fun Facts: This chapter was never supposed to exist, but ended up being completely rewritten three times. Breezy was originally just a name-holder until I figured out who I wanted to be Patrick's most prominent "ex", but I never got around to changing it. I'm lazy, sorry.

TW for the first five paragraphs

*****

July 25, 2016

Never wanting to open the door again didn't stop him from doing it. The knob creaked as he turned it, and the hinges squeaked as the door was pushed open.

He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth and clamped his teeth down. He stared at the abandoned canvas with the bloody slash. The date was still visible, even with the frayed tear with stains of blood diagonal down the middle.

Patrick tore his eyes away and slowly walked over to the knife. He yanked it out of the wall, managing to keep his grip. The blade was smeared with his blood. The handle was cold, but fit so perfectly in his left hand.

The thoughts couldn't help but sneak into his head. He could already feel the blood dripping down his wrist. Or he could shove it in his chest and end it all. But he wasn't ready for that.

He set the knife down on the table and abandoned the room, this time leaving the door slightly ajar, so anyone who walked by would be tempted to enter. He wasn't sure if it was a cry for help or an act to look less suspicious of hidden intentions. Either way, no one was going to see it, so he didn't dwell on his reasoning.

He went to his bedroom to grab his blazer, and he fumbled with the button as he descended the staircase.

He was going back to work. Not because he wanted to. If he had it his way, he would be sitting at home all day doing nothing, but the only way to make money was to show up.

He hadn't actually spoken to anyone in a week, and he was unsure if his voice even worked at that point.

Patrick waited until he knew Joe was locked in his office with a client before he went in. Sarah looked up when she heard the door open, and her eyes widened when she saw the estate lawyer waltz in midday. She was about to greet him and give him a briefing on everything she scheduled while he was gone, but she noticed his lips were frowned even more than usual and that there was absolute hurt in eyes, so she decided to leave him alone for the time being.

He went into his office before Breezy could catch him. He met Breezy at Harvard, where she was finishing her JD as he was starting his second semester. She was a psychology major from Princeton, and Patrick always thought she would've made a better psychiatrist than lawyer, but he never voiced that to her. She was the one to help him off of his cocaine addiction, and she knew things about him that Joe never would have imagined to be true.

That and they slept together quite a few times when they first met. Both were scarred, troubled, and imperfect. They weren't afraid of each other, like the way Breezy was when she first started dating her husband or the way Patrick was with Pete now.

Breezy would always let Patrick do a line off of her chest afterwards with a platinum credit card. Then she would kiss him until she was too tired to go on. Patrick would hold her until she fell asleep, and then he would get dressed and slip away like a one night stand should. But one of them always went back.

For Patrick, it was an unhealthy way of coping. For Breezy, it was an unhealthy thrill. Until she asked one day why Patrick was looking for an escape. Patrick was on his way to being high, and didn't realize that he spilled his life story until it all left his mouth, and Breezy was in tears.