A New Verge

Self Destruction

Gabe took his cup and carried it off, his feet quickly moving across the stained wooden floor. He couldn't handle all the stress and pressure he felt was constantly pushing down on him. Gabe tried to get a grip, but each day he slid lower and lower into this lingering depression that he just couldn't fight. Most of it linked back to his dad, seeing as that was who he thought about constantly.

Of course, his dad had went absolutely insane before his death, but he was still his father. David loved Gabe, and Gabe loved David to the ends of the earth. Getting his father back was like a dream come true, but losing him so soon after getting him back was nothing but a terrible nightmare. Gabe slammed his door, throwing the cup of water against the wall and crying. He felt his back slide down against the door, his head sinking into his hands. His head was pounding. Gabe began begging internally for it all to stop. He even spoke aloud, voicing some of his concerns. His voice was low and clear, full of pain.

"Why did you have to come into my life and leave? Why couldn't you stay? You left, just like mom. You left me. And now I don't have you. I d-don't have mom. I don't have Mariana." Gabe spoke, his voice heavy with pain and emotion. Gabe opened his eyes, glancing to the ceiling. "I'm sick of getting left behind..." Gabe spoke, seriously wondering why he had such cruel luck. He felt a lump forming in his throat as he tried to choke back a sob. His baby sister was brutally murdered, and he was defenseless to help. Losing Mari, his best friend was painful and could not be understated.

How could Clementine leave him too, by her own choice? Of course this made more sense, considering she had AJ. "And Clem. Clem left too...I...know she had to go. And I know you did too....Bur why couldn't you just..." Gabe began to speak, not even knowing what he wanted to say to his dad.

Why couldn't David just keep it together? Even though Kate and Javi were together, and David felt betrayed, he still had a son who loved and needed him. Panicking about something that couldn't be changed was no use. This panic and anger led to David's senseless death.

Gabe sighed, hanging his head again as he thought about Javi and Kate. He felt bad for being so mean to them, so angry, and so like his father. But he was finding that he was having a harder and harder time to keep his emotions in check after so much loss in such a short time. Gabe did love Javi and Kate, more than anything, but he didn't know how to express it. This was eerily similar to his father. Gabriel wanted to tell Kate that she was the greatest mom and Javi that he was the greatest dad he ever had. But instead, it seemed like he couldn't no matter how hard he tried.

Gabe found himself with the crippling reality that he was born self destructive, practically molded from David's own ribs, attitude and all. He would have to try ten times as hard as anyone else to break from this terrible, self destructive habit. God, did Gabe hope he could do so.

"Why couldn't you just stay for me? Why couldn't you get your shit together for me? It's not fair." Gabe spoke, almost sounding like a whiny child again. It was clear that he was broken, and needed somebody.

It was of course realized by Javi that he needed to see his nephew.

Javier heard most of what Gabriel said, and his heart was shattered. Hearing about Gabe's pain and loss dug deep into Javi. He knew the boy was trying to be so strong, but catching him in a moment of weakness just made him feel even worse.

Javi knew he wasn't enough for Gabe, and never would be due to everything he lost. But regardless, he was going to try his damn best to be the best dad he possibly could for Gabe. He wanted to provide the boy safety and stability, soon.

Javi took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves. He couldn't help but be terrified Gabe was going to lose it on him, and he wouldn't know what to say. Everything Gabriel had to say was true. Javi was inconsistent in the beginning of Gabe's life. And now? No matter what he did it wouldn't be enough. He wasn't there in the beginning because of gambling addiction and baseball career. Javi missed too many Christmases and Easters.