Leah and Trent

Chapter Twenty-six

Warning: long chapter that contains sensitive subject matter

December 23 2016 - Friday

~

Daniel

(Song: Happy Together by Filter)

Every year, Zach would throw multiple parties over winter break: it was like a tradition. And I really needed something to take my mind off things. The last thing I wanted to think about was my mother and her affair, but my mind kept focusing on it. The text messages and the pictures were stained on my eyes. I couldn't even look at my mother without thinking about her lying and cheating on my father. She, of course, acted like nothing was wrong, as if I didn't know the truth. And she was good at it. She was good at greeting my father like she loved him and holding conversations with him like she wasn't sending naked pictures of herself to some guy. I had spent a lot of time thinking about who the guy was. Who was Sebastian? Did he work with her? Did he know my father? I tried looking him up online, but I couldn't find anything with only his first name if that even was his real name.

This party was supposed to be the release I needed, but I felt out of it once I got there. I couldn't get amped up through the music, and I couldn't sit back and relax either. I couldn't stop thinking about everything. Normally when I was stressed or angry or just done with everything, I would go to Zach's house. I'd have a joint and everything would just drift off of me. A different world or way of being would be opened up to me. But recently, even after smoking, my nerves would still rack my brain. The thoughts still chained me up, and they wouldn't let me go. That hazy but peaceful world that used to be open to me was locked off. And if I couldn't access that world, then I was stuck in the real one: the real one that no longer offered me any peace.

Having everyone else around me laughing and dancing while a dark cloud hung over my head was a special type of torture. When I couldn't take it anymore, I went to the kitchen where I thought no one would be. But once my feet hit the tile, I saw Zach sitting on the counter with a lit joint. I walked over and stood against the counter next to him. He presented the joint to me trying to pass it over. I looked at it knowing it would do nothing for me but took it anyway.

"You look like s***, man. Like your dog died or something," Zach said.

"Everything sucks," I said taking a hit.

"Sounds dramatic."

"It's more aggravating than anything."

"I literally have no idea what you're talking about."

"That's probably for the best."

"Dude, if you're not interested then give it back," he said eyeing the joint in my hand. I handed it back to him, and he took a long drag like he needed it to breathe.

"I always wondered why people say that your high school years are the best years of your life."

"Who says that?"

"I'm realizing that maybe they're right. Having your life turn to s*** after you're eighteen must be the norm."

"That's tragic."

"And there's nothing you can do about it."

"Dude, you need to get high. . .or drunk. You're bumming me out."

"I'm gonna call Leah."

"The pretty chick- cool. Invite her over." I pulled my phone out of my back pocket and called her. I had no idea what I wanted to say to her. I just wanted to stop this pathetic feeling that I felt in the pit of my stomach: it was making me sick. The phone rang and rang. The sound scratched at my brain making me uneasy and restless. I tapped my fingers on the counter trying to ignore the urge to yell.