Through My Eyes

Chapter 2

"You've got to be kidding me. This is pushing it too far", I tell my mother as 'Sign of the Times' by Harry Styles blasts through my one earphone. Recently, listening to sad songs was the only thing I could do since I could no longer watch TV, read books or go out. Well technically I could listen to audiobooks but they just weren't the same as actually reading. As far as the going out part, I didn't have a social life and I only left the house to go to Meredith's house, my only friend as per date.

"It's just one hour of counselling Adelaine-", my mother begins in that voice she uses when she knows I won't like what she's going to say.

"Today was my first day of school and I'm exhausted and now you're making me go to the loony doctor too?"

"He's a psychologist, not whatever you just called him."

"Same thing", I mutter.

My loony doctor, aka psychologist, is Dr. K. He has another name too but it's so long and my memory space is already so limited that I shortened it. The point is, I don't think I need a therapist. Sure, I'm not happy about being blind and the other stuff that happened at New Years' but it's not like it's going to get fixed by paying large amounts of money to an old guy who keeps asking me questions I don't want to answer. Though I do admit that the incident that led me to therapy wasn't exactly a pleasant one.

It was the first day I got home from the hospital after the incident. The first few days I spent in the hospital, swimming in and out of consciousness, people telling me again and again what had happened to me, me losing my sanity and screaming till my vocal chords died and me getting sedated. Repeatedly.

Finally, when I woke up and did not start cursing the Gods to hell, the doctors discharged me. Frankly, I think they wanted me out quite badly. Anyways, it was the first night I had spent in my bed without any drugs in my bloodstream, and not too surprisingly, I'd had a nightmare. Not so much a nightmare as it was a vivid memory of the night it had happened. And all those people I never want to think about again just came swimming into my nightmare. For some reason, I didn't wake up screaming, I just woke up deciding this life would be too hard to live anymore and without a second thought, headed for my mom's kitchen knives. I'd like to say it was sleepwalking or something, but I do have a vague memory of it so I'm not sure if it counts as sleepwalking. I didn't really stop to think or anything. I just grabbed a knife and went for it. Fortunately, due to the fact that I couldn't see and that my brain wasn't really awake, I just grabbed a butter knife and only managed to bruise my wrists. My mom probably wouldn't even have realized it if I hadn't fallen asleep on the kitchen floor with the knife in my hand.

Anyways, when my mom discovered "my attempted suicide" as she called it, she drove me back to the hospital where they diagnosed me with PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) and prescribed some anti-depressants and a psychologist. 

"Addie, I just think you need to talk over your first day." my mother says and I know that she isn't going to let this go.

"Fine, whatever."

"Remember, Olive Garden for dinner", my mom says, attempting to salvage my mood.

"I think you should stop at the Cheesecake Factory after", I suggest. If she could drive a hard bargain, so could I.

"Cheesecake it is", my mom says with a sigh.

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"So Adelaine, which emotion would you connect with your first day of school?" drones Dr.K

"Fine." I mutter.

"Fine isn't an emotion."

"Fineness then. Is that an emotion?"

"I'm afraid not", he replies seriously.