hate to love you.

thirty-eight

i woke up, so not ready for the bullshit.

alyssa said that she'd meet me outside and that we can walk to school together, but i don't think demi would want me being friends with her.

i walk downstairs and towards the front door.

"where are you going?" she asked.

"alyssa is outside waiting for me." i said grabbing the door. she put her hands on her hip and raised an eyebrow.

"you mean the girl that persuaded you to skip class, and go to a party where you ended up drunk and high?" she said.

i nodded, "bye!" i said laughing.

alyssa was standing there. we took off.

"do you still want to be my friend?" she said quietly walking a bit faster.

i pulled her back by her elbow.

"yes, you're my best friend." i said.

"it's just that, we just met and i'm already getting you in more trouble than you could handle." she said.

i grabbed both of her shoulders, "you listen here, we are best friends and nothing is ever going to change that." i said and walked faster than she did.

"how cute, slut." ally came out of nowhere and said. i rolled my eyes and pushed past her.

"do it again, and i'll hurt you." she said pulling me back by the arm. this time, i've had enough.

i lifted my hand, clenching it in a fist, i pulled it back and released a breathtaking punch onto ally's face causing her to gasp.

i smiled in relief. i heard clapping in the background, and alyssa saying, "that's my best friend!" laughing.

i turned towards her and began to walk until i felt ally grabbing my hair and pulling me to the ground.

"thought you could walk away?" she smirked as i was in pain. "thought you could hurt my best friend?" alyssa said punching ally in the face.

alyssa and i both punched, kicked and hurt her until we saw red blood stain our hands.

as we saw her on the ground, i stood over her. "my, how the tables have turned. i've had enough of you." i said grinning and turning to walk away.

as we walked towards the school, alyssa stopped. "shouldn't we go back and help her." she looked concerned.

"i know that it would be the right thing to do, but she's given me straight hell." i said cracking my hand.

we walked to school, and started first period. "ally?" the teacher called out. i raised my hand, "she's running a bit late." i said.

alyssa looked at me, and in her eyes you could tell that she felt bad.

the period ended and alyssa and i walked to second period. she sighed.

"listen, if you wanted to help her, you could have. i wouldn't have stopped you, but if you'd understand what she's done to me, you wouldn't feel bad either." i said walking faster.

"gabriela gonzalez to the principal's office." the loud speaker said. i looked up and rolled my eyes.

i entered the room and saw an angry principal and a bloody faced ally sitting there.

"can you explain to me what happened again?" the principal asked to ally. ally nodded.

"i-i was just walking to school, and all of a sudden gabriela just came and knocked me down. she began to beat me up before i had a chance to run." she said crying.

"is that true." he asked. i just shrugged.

"well, you know we have to call your guardian." he began. i rolled my eyes and went outside slamming the door.

i took a seat and waited for demi to get here.

five minutes later, i was picking off my nail polish when demi came in and gave me the look, and pulled me by my shirt into the principal's office forcing me to take a seat.

"you got in a fight?!" demi yelled.

i shrugged.

the principal cleared his throat. "there will be consequences. since this is your first time, you are suspended for two weeks." he said.

"two fucking weeks?" demi yelled. i shrugged. "do you even care?" i shrugged.

"damn it, i know you're having a rough time right now, but you need to stop. did she hit you first?"  she asked.

i shook my head no. demi sighed before picking up her things and guiding me out of the school.

in the car, i could tell demi was pissed. she turned up the music so loud so she wouldn't have the urge to say anything.

she parked the car in the driveway, locked the doors, and looked at me. "why?" she said hitting her hand on the steering wheel.

"you want to know why?" i started as tears threatened to spill out of my eyes. "ever since i've gotten here at this school, ally has given me pure hell. yes, i get bullied. by ally. today, i've had enough. all of the names, hate that i get, and everything else from her... i gave it back. don't expect me not to do anything about it. it's about damn time i defend myself. these cuts on my arms aren't going to go away if she's still around me." i said with a tear slipping down.

demi's face was full of sympathy. "baby girl, i didn't-" she began. "yeah, yeah. you didn't know. that's what they all say." i said rolling my eyes and unlocking the door slamming it behind me.

i ran to the house ignoring demi's call behind me, ran upstairs and into my bathroom slamming the door.

i picked up the metal blade from under the sink, and pulled up my sleeve. i slashed my wrist a couple of times as blood began to flow out.

before i could put it on my wrist another time to give it another go, demi came racing in crying.

"no, don't do this." she said taking my blade and flushing it down the toilet. she picked me up, as i was sitting in a pool of blood and held me as she cleaned my cuts.

she sobbed, and so did i. she held me rocking back and forth pulling her hands through my hair.

"baby girl, it's going to be okay. i'll help you get through this." she kept saying over and over.

i nodded.

can she help me? maybe she can. but, do i want the help? no.