hate to love you.

thirty-six

today is the day that we bury my sister dallas lovato, six feet under the ground. today is the day that my heart goes along with it.

the bad thing about this situation, is that demi and i are flying back out to new york tomorrow because i have school.

why can't school just go die?

"gabriela, hurry up." i heard mom call for me. i hurried out of the shower and stepped out noticing the dark circle under my eyes.

i quickly pulled on my white long sleeve shirt, and my white skirt. the family decided on wearing all white today.

just my luck. i hate how the color white looks on me, i like blue way better.

"gabriela, i said hurry up!" she yelled. she's been stressed out lately, i mean i would be too if my daughter was dead.

yeah, and it's all of your fault.

"not right now." i said softly.

i grabbed my phone, wallet, and left for downstairs. you could see fresh tears on everyone's face, but i washed mine before leaving my room.

we walked out of the door, and the world seemed so dark. it wasn't as bright as it used to be.

the whole car ride was silent.

i wonder why.

we finally reached the funeral, and gathered our seats at the front near the casket. i had the seat closest to dallas.

the family agreed that i deserved that spot because i was the closest to dallas. but, little did they know, that's it's going to break my heart having to see her in that casket all service.

"we are gathered here today, for the celebration of life of dallas lovato." the man started off the service.

he began talking about dallas, and people were coming up saying emotional things, making some smile.

eventually, it was my turn.

"good morning. many of you out there may know that dallas and i are close. i will never say 'we were', because we still are. dallas has always been the person that i will always look up to. her spirit, her smile, her laugh, and everything is so contagious and it just makes me want to hear it one last time." i said, but started crying a bit. "dallas may be gone, but she will always be there in my heart. there's much more to say, but i can't handle this much longer." i said crying and leaving to go see dallas in her casket.

everyone stayed quiet and watched as i later my hand on dallas' and lower myself towards her.

"i love you." i said as i kissed cheek and started sobbing. i walked out and went to the nearest bathroom.

do it, you need to.
she'll be happy if you do.

i panted and locked the door behind me, pulling out the silver blade behind my credit cards.

one for being a fuck up.

one for killing dallas.

one for dallas.

one for tearing the family apart.