hate to love you.

twenty-one

we ended up having a good talk and it was actually really nice. charles doesn't seem like a bad dude. he's still on my radar though.

"so, gabi, i have to go to work, so you can go home, or..." she said. i nodded.

"i'm gonna go home, sorry about today. love you, dally." i said giving her a hug, and she gave me a kiss on my forehead.

and with that i made my way home.

the door wasn't locked, we must've forgotten to lock it.

i opened the door and immediately went into my room. i usually go to the kitchen, but something told me to go to my room.

walking into my room, my heart stopped. why. why. why.

the sight.

there laid george. in his own pool of blood with a gun next to his head, on my bed.

"no, no, no, no, no." i spoke to myself sobbing. i should've been there for him, why wasn't i there?

does his mother not care?

i walked over to him in hope that he didn't do it too long ago. but, his blood had cooled. george is dead.

sobbing in my hands, i reached for my phone to call someone, but a white piece of paper with my name in black on it, caught my eye.

gabriela,

by the time you read this, i'll be dead.
please just understand that my love for you didn't die when you turned away from me. they're everlasting.

you're not my only problem, nor are you the only reason that i decided to end it all, but my mother has become a pain for me as well.

i was hoping that you'd be there for me. that you'd be able to help me. we were perfect together.

there's nothing that you can do now. i'm gone. let's just say, thank you.

you've helped to bring my life to an end. something i've wanted for a while now.

by the end, there was barely a paper to read. my tears covered the whole paper.

it's all my fault. he said it himself.

i reached for my phone and began to call the police.

"911, what's your emergency?" they asked. i broke down in sobs again.

"h-he, george, he committed suicide and he's dead at m-my house." i basically screamed into the phone.

they told me to stay calm and that they'd be to my house as soon as possible.

i could hear the sirens in the distance. i picked myself up and walked over to george allowing myself to hug him one last time.

i treated him so awful.

i could hear the doors opening and men coming up the stairs with a gurney. they quickly picked him up and a male officer came over to me.

"would you like to ride in the ambulance truck to the hospital?" he asked. i nodded.

it's the least that i could do.

i loaded in the emergency and made sure i had the note with me. i sat beside a lady officer and she was staring at me as if i was a foreign object.

"kid, are you ok?" she asked me. i shook my head 'no'.

"well, everything's going to be alright. i'm sorry you had to see that. don't worry." she said smiling and came over to sit next to me.

i sobbed some more and she hugged me all the way to the hospital. she didn't care that i had blood all over me.

we reached the hospital and i realized that i forgot my phone. shit.

"would you like to call your mom?" she asked. i shook my head no and pointed at her.

she nodded and handed me the phone. i typed in the number and she called dallas for me.

she walked away i don't think she wanted me to think about it anymore. i walked to the nearest bathroom and locked myself inside.

i just stared at myself in the mirror.

you caused somebody to die.

they killed themselves because of you.

you're awful and you don't deserve to live.

the voices chanted at me.

"stop. please stop." i yelled.

i turned off the lights and made my way out of the bathroom covering my ears the entire time.

"babygirl?" dallas said running towards me and engulfing me in a hug.

"what happened?" she asked. i shook my head. i'll show her.

we left and made out way home. she tried talking to me, but i just ignored her. no, i'm not gonna stop talking, i just don't want to talk to her now.

we walked into the house i took her hand and dragged her to my room. she reached my room, and when she did she gasped and a tear fell out of her eye.

"baby, i'm so sorry that this happened to you and that you had to see it. who was it?" she asked.

she doesn't know?

i handed her the note.

she covered her mouth, gasped, and cried a lot while reading the note.

she picked me up and took me out of the room, shutting the door behind her.

we went downstairs on the floor because i was covered in blood, but she dropped the note and made sure to hold me in her arms.

"listen to me, this is not your fault. george could have gotten help. don't ever think that you made someone kill themselves. you're beautiful and kind, and one of the best people i know. don't feel down for something that's not your fault." she said kissing me in between almost every word on the forehead.

"b-but" i started, but dallas interrupted me. "baby, i told you that it doesn't matter what george wrote on that paper. it's okay to feel sorry for the family and that he felt that way, but don't let this get to you." dallas said.

i nodded and we stayed like that for a while.

"i need to shower." i mumbled. she nodded. "use mine." she said.

i went upstairs and went into dallas' room, i took everything off and went into the bathroom making sure to lock the door behind me.

i stared in the mirror at my bloody, and red face. what have i done.

i turned on the shower water and picked out a new razor from dallas' cabinets. no, i didn't need to shave. i need to cut.

i got in the shower and let the cold water shower over me as i let my crying mix into it also.

i smashed the razor on the floor and took out the blade.

it wasn't the kind of sharp that i'm used to, but it's something. i dragged the piece of metal across my skin about 20 times.

it felt good.

after i showered, and washed my hair, i stepped out and grabbed a black towel. i dried myself and cleaned my cuts quickly. i made sure to see if dallas was out there and she wasn't.

i found myself some oversized underwear and pajama pants and a long sleeved shirt. making sure that my cuts weren't visible, i marched down the stairs to dallas.

"hungry?" she asked.

i shook my head no and laid down on her to go to sleep.

what would i do without dallas?

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a/n- so... george is dead.

thoughts?

it's not over.

vote, comment, etc.

stay strong, love you!