Canada is pregnant, which is cool because it's rare for that to happen to countries, but it also kinda sucks because he's not sure who the father is.
Is it Gilbert, his ex?
Ivan, his one night stand?
Or Lars, he friend he smoked weed with and isn't...
"I'm just saying, if it weren't for capitalism, the kardashians wouldn't be a problem." Ivan declared. "You have a point." Matthew agreed. "I like the kardashians." "Ew. Alfred. What the fuck?" "They're awful. Why do you kick all these people out of your country but leave them alone?" Lars blew smoke from the side of his mouth, shuffling the newspaper in his hands. Matthew knew Lars didn't think he was cut out to be a dad, but he sure looked like one right now. "Becauseeeeeee they are wonderful business women." "Because they're rich." "No!!!" "They're not good businesspeople, Al. They're opportunistic skid marks." "No! They're-" "$$$$$$." "How do you pronounce that?" "I'm Dutch." "The fuck?" "No swearing around the baby!" "The baby still doesn't have ears. It's been three weeks." Matthew sighed, reaching for the bowl of chips on the coffee table. The four nations were all in the living room. Some dumb ass show was on the tv and Francis and Arthur had left to pick up food and probably to get alone time since they had already become so busy. "You should lay off those carbs, Matthew." Lars warned. "I like to think that if I'm craving it then the baby must want it, you know?" "I don't know. Put the potato chip down." "Sure. I'll put it down." Matthew winked. "Down my throat." "If you choke..." Matthew stuck out his tongue as he bit into the chip and ate it. "You disgust me." "'Ello?! We're back!" Francis strutted into the room carrying one bag while Arthur carried the rest. It was better that the Frenchman didn't have that much baggage because he screamed and dropped everything in his arms. "What are you eating?? Zhat's not 'ealthy!!" "I'm a grown assed man!" "A grown assed man zhat 'as a baby to zhink of!" "What am I supposed to eat, then? Little fruits and berries like some kind of small monkey? Because fruit is expensive here!" "Your 'ormones are making you sassy." "I've always been this sassy." "Quoi?! Since when?!" "Since I've had him at least." Arthur put his bags down. "This is news to me." "I can't believe you didn't know he was a sassy little shit." Lars puffed another lungful of smoke into the air. "I didn't know." Alfred whined. "You also didn't know that Africa is a continent." "Lars, you only know Africa is a continent because you and your sister were over there fucking shit up." Matthew sassed. "Rude af." "And then you gave one of the most aggressive aboriginal groups guns." "Oui. You 'ad no tact, mon ami." "Papa, you're no better. You and Arthur wouldn't give the Algonquin and the other non-aggressive groups guns to protect themselves so they became dependant on you guys and then you gave them smallpox." "We all made mistakes." Arthur shuffled nervously. "Your mistakes killed thousands of people who didn't have immune systems to save them." "Ouch." Lars winced. "Rest in peace, comrade." Ivan smirked. "Cold War." "Hahahah!" Alfred laughed loudly. "I'm loving this." "Donald Trump." "Mattie, do you have dirt on everybody?" "Yeah. And the best part is that none of you hosers know a thing aboot what I've done." "Internment camps, Cornwallis, Steven Harper, Justin Bieber, and leaving your door open." A voice said from the hallway. "I chime in with a haven't you people ever heard of-" "Alfred, please." Matthew stood just as the person who had spoken stepped into the living room. "Hey, Matt." "Gilbert..."
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