Part of Us

A Quiet Morning

"I just don't get why everybody is losing their marbles over a bloody hot dog." Arthur sighed, Sippin his tea controversially.
"Dude, it's the snapchat hotdog. He's a legend." Alfred insisted.
"At least we agree on something." Ivan nodded.
"The only thing you two level on is memes, isn't it?"
"Nah. I just hate him because I see myself reflected in him."
"Same."
"I still think that unicycle frog looks like Francis." Arthur grumbled.
"His name is dat boi and he tried to eat my ass."
"Alfred, what the fuck?!"
"What the fuck yourself? You pronounce meme as May May. Like what the shit?!"
"It's spelled may may."
"Meeeeeeem."
"You spell colour wrong!"
"As much as I'm with you on that point," Matthew brought up, "it definitely is pronounced as one syllable."
"See!"
"I didn't raise you like this."
"Get rekt scrub."
"You're a monster."
"I'm trying to read the newspaper." Lars complained.
"You better not be smoking around Matthew."
"This isn't even lit!"
"You're right. It's not lit. Nothing's lit anymore. :/" Alfred sighed.
"Is this another may may reference?"
"Pepe the frog more like Pepe the frog off."
"Ouch." Ivan winced.
"I came here to eat breakfast but I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now."
"Whose ready for breakfast?" Francis asked as he started setting plates of bacon and eggs down in front of everybody.
"So, how did everybody sleep?" Arthur asked, trying to be polite.
"I slept like a baby." Alfred bragged. "I dreamt that me and Tony went on a treasure hunt and we found a ship like in the goonies."
"Where is Tony, anyway?" Matthew asked. "You didn't leave him at home where the FBI can find him, did you?"
"He's on an intergalactic tour with his old college band, the Fucking Blimies."
"Wasn't he stranded on earth or something?" Ivan asked.
"He was, but I made a deal with NASA back in the sixties. He would help them build a super cool rocket to get to space and we would let him hack Sputnik so he could call a space taxi and visit his home whenever he liked."
"YOU HACKED SPUTNIK? AN ALIEN BUILT YOUR ROCKETS?! THE SPACE RACE WAS A LIE I DEMAND A REMATCH!!!" Ivan shouted.
"Ivan, calm down." Matthew scolded.
"Sputnik? More like Slutnik, letting anybody into that system."
"Alfred, do not provoke him."
"Sorry."
"So, how about you, Matthew? Did you sleep well?" Arthur asked to turn the conversation back to him. Selfish bitch.
"I'm awake before noon so no."
"And Lars?"
"I slept fine."
"Ivan?"
"My room was too hot."
"Gilbert?"
"I barely slept."
"And I already know that Francis slept deeply because the wanker kept snoring all night."
"I don't snore!" Francis objected.
"Yes you do." Matthew corrected.
"Arzhur, you 'ave turned my only son against me and I am so mad."
"You have two sons!" Alfred whined.
"And a daughter." Arthur added, reminding them that Seychelles exists.
"Technically you're childless because none of us are really related except for Romano and Italy. Me and Alfred are only acting as twins and each of our familial bonds are made up concepts. I could have just as easily been a stranger to you had Norway stayed or if I hadn't been taken over by Europeans, which would almost seem preferable at this point."
"Please don't have an existential crisis this early in the morning." Arthur groaned.
"Imagine, me, living as a society where I would be free to love and where my flaws would be seen as gifts! But no. You white people showed up and fucked me."
"Literally." Lars added.
"Matthew, you're white too."
"I'm one of the most multi-cultured countries on earth. Why the fuck am I white?"
"No being self aware at the table, please."
"Fuck you and your manors, dad."
"I love this family." Alfred snorted.
"I'll be glad to become a part of it." Ivan grinned.
"Nobody said Matthew vas going to marry jou." Gilbert growled.
"What was that?" Matthew raised an eyebrow.
"I said I vas going to eat in zhe living room!" Gilbert shouted, lifting his plate off the table and storming out of the dining area.
"I'll go talk to him." Francis decided, following suit.
Matthew couldn't help but feel guilty, even though he knew this was Gilbert's fault.