I Rejected The Alpha

CHAPTER 29 (Part Two)

Chapter 29 (Part Two) 

ELISSA

I couldn't stop looking at him. 

It was like something clicked in my head, like I did something right. It was some sort of epiphany I had in that moment looking at him and asking him out was almost like confirmation to me that I was, right now, looking at my soul mate. 

I had always been a fan of the yin-yang, opposites attract, interconnection sort of shit and Blake and I were exactly that. Looking at him as his eyes danced with joy, hope, and desperation I felt the warm tingling sensation fuzzing my brain that I had always ignored when looking at him. 

But I was still crippling with fear. 

What if I mess it up? What if he realizes that later on he won't want me anymore? I had spent my entire life building defensive walls around my heart and now they were slowly, but surely, being taken down a brick at a time because of this man in front of me. Was I even ready? Is this really what I want?

It's my choice. It's my choice. It's my choice. 

I recited it like a mantra the moment I realized what Blake and I were. But, I didn't know what to do with it! I've never really had one before, besides leaving that god awful family that made me walk right in the direction of fate, no one has allowed me a choice. Now I'm sitting here with destiny...willingly. It confused me so much; we are meant to be together but it's my choice, I'm the puppet master...or am I just wasting time, prolonging the inevitable? Does that mean I even have  choice?

Tonight though, I decided not to think; I decided to act. 

I decided that Blake is a man...werewolf...that I like. 

God, what am I even thinking?! I like a fucking werewolf! 

I broke eye contact with Blake and looked at the sky, closing my eyes and knitting my eyebrows together. God, what a life. 

"Is everything okay?" 

I snapped my head towards Blake who was looking at me with deep concern, as if I was going to runaway. A spark of guilt hit me in my chest; that's all I really do: runaway. 

"Hey," Blake scooted closer, erasing any space we had left between us, and put his arm around me in a comforting, soothing way, "We don't have to do this if you're not ready."

I looked down and turned my head back towards the sky trying to swallow down the confusion, the guilt, the doubt, and the bitterness. And in the midst of my inner turmoil I could feel a connection of sorts reaching out to me in the back of mind like a voice but somehow, much more special. 

I could feel Ryan. 

I could feel him trying to understand me, trying to settle in as if he wanted me to know that the confusion, the guilt, the doubt, and the bitterness I felt I wouldn't have to feel alone. I could feel his soul reaching out to me and it felt...familiar. 

Have you always been here? 

I held my breath as I waited for a response. Suddenly, images were flooding my vision of the day Rich told me to leave. 

I was facing the woods looking across my surroundings trying to figure out which way to go: looking back at it, I felt this strong pull in a certain direction that made my feet move until I got to it's desired location.

It's only natural for a wolf to want to reach out to his mate when he feels like he can't find her. 

My eyes bulged out of their sockets as I realized Ryan was here, in my mind. And out of everything that I have been through with Blake, somehow this wasn't affecting me like I would think it would. I found a surprising amount of comfort in hearing his voice and feeling his presence occupying my thoughts; it felt right.