Running Blind // Discontinued

Chapter 33

There was something deep down inside of me that resented going to the ophthalmologist. Firstly, they only told me things I already knew like: "You're vision may or may not come back," and asked me stupid questions like "Can you see anything?" Well of course not, why else would I be here? The second reason was that my mom was convinced I'd missed enough school to last a lifetime so we only went on weekends or holidays, like this.

I came every six months so that they could do a check up and see if I was going to get better or not since I didn't go blind due to natural causes. It seemed that with every six months that passed, it seemed less and less likely that I would ever be able to see the shining world of color ever again. Or at least that was what I was able to understand from Dr. James. He had been my ophthalmologist since I went blind. He liked to use big words when he spoke to make himself seem smarter, but always left me in the dark.

Dr. James' office was in Washington DC and about an hour drive from Redwater, depending on traffic and how my mom was feeling that day. She was a slow and cautious driver most of the time, which drove me insane. If I had ever learned to drive I probably would've been a menace to the roads, driving neither carefully or slowly like my mother. Perhaps I would have been the ones to knock the lights out if some stupid high school boy hadn't done that for me.

I'm pretty sure the boy had died in the car crash, either that or transferred schools because I never saw him again after that. Literally and figuratively. 

By the time we rolled up at the clinic I felt dead on the inside. It felt early, despite the fact that it was past ten thirty and I didn't want to be here. I wanted to be at home, sleeping in like all of my other classmates. Hell, even Mercy, who was going on a date today, was probably still sleeping. Well then again, she might not instantly become a nervous wreck like me before going on a date, despite how many more guys I've dated than her.

I didn't need to ask to know I had dated more. And I couldn't ask without it seeming like I was bragging, not that I was of course. Most of the guys I had dated in Junior High were jerks, and Jaxon is the only semi-decent guy I remember dating.

Well, I guess that said a lot about me.

When we entered the ophthalmologist clinic, a little bell jingled and my mother led me by clutching my elbow with her hand. We sat down a little too close to another person who smelt strongly of cigarettes than I would have liked. After waiting in the office for what seemed like forever, someone finally took us to the back. There a nurse did a standard checkup, testing my vision and declaring she doubted anything would change and Dr. Augustine would be back soon.

Wait... that wasn't my usual ophthalmologist...

"Excuse me, but what happened to Dr. James?" my mom asked politely. 

I could only imagine the blond woman giving my mom a sympathetic smile. "He killed himself four months ago," she said. "That's when we hired Dr. Augustine."

"Oh," my mom said, clearly surprised. "I'm sorry for asking."

"No worries," the nurse said. As she walked off I heard her mutter "It's not like he did anything other than make this place hell for everyone else, anyway," under her breath.

And then she was gone.

The nurse wasn't gone for very long before the ophthalmologist came in. That was a concept entirely foreign to me, as Dr. James had always dragged his feet before coming and going and always took a little too long to do everything. God, riding with him would probably piss me off even more than it does with my mom. And that was saying a lot.

"It's good to see you again, Miss. Ashley Hilton," a familiar female voice said upon entering the room. I knew that voice, despite only hearing it once before. Dr. Augustine. Jaxon's mom. It seemed like forever ago when I met her, accidentally slipping on ice while running with Jaxon. He had to drag me to his house then.

"You-you too, Dr. Augustine," I said, smiling slightly.

"And it's nice to meet you, Mrs. Hilton," Dr. Augustine said, to my mom. 

"You know my daughter?" my mom asked, sounding slightly surprised.

I could hear Dr. Augustine's smile on her words. "She's a good friend of my son, Jaxon," she said.

"Oh. That was the young man who you helped with math homework last week, right?" my mom asked.

"Yep," I said, popping the p. Had that only been a week ago? It seemed like forever ago.

Dr. Augustine gave a good-natured laugh. I could see... well hear... a lot of Jaxon in her. "Enough with informalities," she said. "Let's begin our standard checkup," she said.

The rest of the time I spent in her office doing the usual things I did with Dr. James and a few new ones. Dr. Augustine spoke directly to me, using small manageable words that I could understand, yet she treated me like an adult. It was nice. I actually didn't mind this half as much as I did with Dr. James. 

After we were done, Dr. Augustine ran off, obviously in a hurry to get the results, something Dr. James would never have done. When she returned, I could sense a change in tone from when we were laughing and doing exercises together. Something had happened. I could sense it. And in that moment I knew something had gone horribly wrong. My condition was getting worse. I would never be able to see again. I was dying.

"Well I have some good news and some bad news," Dr. Agustine said. "What do you want to hear first Ms. Hilton?" she asked.

I heard my mom sigh. "I could use some good news."

A long moment of tense silence followed. "I think I have found a way for Ashley to get her vision back," she said.

Another moment of silence followed before Dr. Augusine continued.

"However, the procedure is in its experimental stages, which means nothing for certain. There is nothing without risks. But, there has been great success in other patients with conditions similar to Ashley's," she said. 

My breath caught in my throat.

There was a chance to see again. A chance to regain everything I had lost with my vision. I could regain my ability to run, my ability to fly. I could regain my ability to see. My ability to appreciate the beauty of our world and every living and nonliving thing within it. I could regain everything. 

"What the bad new?" my mom asked, quietly.

"If the procedure goes wrong, there is a chance Ashley would lose the ability to ever see again," Dr. Augustine said. "Ashley's vision might come back with time, but this procedure will either make it... or break it," she said.  "The choice is yours."

I looked to my mother. Then nodded. I would risk it if she would.

My mother let out a breath. "Okay," she said. "We'll do it."

-=+=-

AN: 

Is there a way to properly apologize for not updating for months?

Maybe a coffee mug?

Eh?????

Just.... im sorry.

dont kill me.