Riverside | Mental Hospital | (Finished book)

Chapter Twenty

When I saw a bright light, unmistakably I thought this could be heaven, and my initial thought was Dannie, where is she? Was this how she felt, this light, this was beautiful. I tried to move, but weirdly couldn't. I felt floaty yet content, and blessed, and was so eager for Dannie, truly my angel and I was about to become one. When I heard voices, I thought I'd arrived and this was it - how excited I was.

"I bet it's all those drugs," I heard muffled voices as I tried to correlate them to who ever it may have been, Jesus? An angel?

I opened my eyes and peered up, weirdly I still couldn't move but yet there was this giant white light and I just didn't quite understand, who and what was this? Then I finally saw people, and I stared at them mildly confused, I could barely hear them and was wondering if they're discussing my pass to heaven.

Then it all crashed and I realised quite who was there, and I stared mortified, and let out a piercing scream.

"FUCK SAKE I SHOULD BE DEAD!!! Fuck sake, Fuck sake, Fuck Sake!" I was chanting screaming.

I tried my best to look up, yet I just couldn't. I was stuck in the bed as I screamed in horror, chanting that eventually turned into sobbing with disappointment. I hadn't managed to kill myself, I'd failed at that too and all I had was utter great sadness and I was broken.

I sobbed more, and more, and more, tears until they ran out. I genuinely thought I was going to see Dannie yet I was so vastly wrong and that broke my heart - broke me. I couldn't believe it.

Who ever was in the room with me - attempted to console me yet they weren't anything they could do. I was in no reasonable state to cooperate, and as an obvious consequence, they left me to run dry and from this overwhelming state - they left me.

Between heavy breaths, I felt myself drift out of conscious and a loss of reality.