Riverside | Mental Hospital | (Finished book)

Chapter Twenty One

When I came around slowly, I was more aware of my surroundings. Apparently, I'd slept for several days and they decided that it was appropriate to keep my drugs to a minimum, to help keep my mental state to a reasonable level. The very first person I recognised and realised, was indeed Claire. She almost stayed by my bedside and claimed it was only right that they were a mental health professional by my side at all times since I was so unstable.

Then my parents visited, and my father was indeed very cold towards me, and my mum was weaker than ever - which obviously saddened me. My mum wept and left, my Dad whispered about making my own mother unstable again and told me that I should've died, but I hadn't minded since that was my long term plan. I saw Tilly briefly, although she seemed disappointed her offer hadn't kept me going, and I was devastated once I realised this - hurting her wasn't nice.

Then came all the doctors, which wasn't good. They're mostly from different cultures and I barely understood them. Judging their faces was never easy, yet I didn't care about myself, so it was no big deal and the outcome didn't bother me.

When one came and started doing weird things, like looking at my feet and talking to me, I was mildly confused. At this point, my bed was raised so I was sat up, and I was awaiting them to let me out of bed and go to the toilet although, they didn't. Claire seemed more concerned than I ever felt since I was calm. Claire often tried to talk, whilst I preferred to sleep. My life has no meaning and served no purpose, the days in the hospital were pretty much me wasting away.

Then came an announcement, which took me aback, and truly ruined the very small part of my life left.

"Elizabeth, we can confirm from the impact of your fall, you fractured the lower part of your spine, and don't feel surgery as appropriate, therefore you will be experiencing paralysis from your hips downwards,"

I paused - shocked.

Claire started crying, tears as she squeezed my hand, which has nothing since I had minimal feeling, and everyone paused and turned to me, with an awkward look;

And I just burst out laughing.The room fell silent, as everyone turned to me confused, and I smiled.

"I fucked my own death up, and now I'm paralysed. It's like how much can I fuck my life up at once? I don't give the slightest fuck, I mean I'm useless so my body might as well be."

The doctors looked at me once more before they got up to leave, and this was it. My road to recovery had started to begin.

I started an extensive program of physio, however, progress was slow since I was so unmotivated, and soon they let me out and back to Riverside since they were 24/7 care on hand.

Claire too was showing more than ever how hard her job was, and I started carrying immense guilt for her since, she spent so much time looking after me, and not with her own family. It came to the point where I knew she was staying at the hospital because she was the only one who could get through to me - she'd be the one to get me out of bed in the mornings or to help me to bed at night. Toilet, shower anything.

She went from a doctor, mentor, friend, sister and almost - just almost

The mother figure I never had.