Giving Up

Chapter 2 part 2

"Lillie, I.. I'm gay." Seth stuttered. He looked up and saw the shock in her eyes. He was afraid he was going to lose his friend. He had never confided in anyone. Never told anyone the secret he had been holding since he was 14. "I've never told anyone before. I've never had such a good friendship before. I usually keep myself at a distance from people. I am afraid of what people will say. I haven't even told my family, but I knew that I could trust you. Do you hate me?"

Lillie went to Seth's side, and held his hand. "Hate you? Playboy, do you really think I could hate you? You are a wonderful friend. I am a little shocked because I thought you were some player that flirted with girls and tried to nail them, but I don't see you any differently. You're still my friend, and you are still allowed to snuggle in my bed and watch movies. Now I can feel more comfortable with you there too." Lillie smiled at him. She was in total shock that he didn't like girls, but she wasn't mad at him. It actually made her feel more loving towards him. The two of them climbed up into her bed, put in a movie and snuggled together while Seth told Lillie about growing up in a strict religious household where homosexuality was a mortal sin. He could never tell his parents, and didn't feel like he could trust his only sibling Samantha with his secret.

"Playboy, have you ever had a boyfriend? Do you have one now?" Lillie wanted to know how her friend felt having to hide who he was. She wanted to know how this affected him. He hung his head down when he answered her. "I've snuck around, met a couple guys from the net, but never really told anyone my real name. I've slept with a couple guys, but I am afraid to really come out of the closet enough to settle with anyone. What if everyone finds out who I really am and they hate me or ridicule me?" All Lillie could do was wrap her arms around him, kiss him on the forehead, and just hold him. She felt very protective of him, just as he had become protective of her. She knew that they were going to be friends for a very long time.

Lillie sat at her desk at work and was having a hard time concentrating. She was getting really tired to saying "General switchboard, how can I transfer your call?" She looked over at James, and he looked like he was really concentrating on something. The look on his face made her smile. James was really sweet and caring. She was starting to wonder if there was a connection between the two when the silence was broken. "Lilly Pad, I didn't get a chance to tell you but you look absolutely beautiful today." Her face reddened with embarrassment. "Thanks Jamie." He smiled big at her, with his eyes sparkling.

Lillie took a moment to really focus on James and the feelings that came to her when she looked at him and spoke to him. She didn't want to assume that they had something between them just because he complimented her or was kind to her. She didn't want to be just some desperate girl who ate up the attention of any man who was willing to give it to her. She had spent so much time in her life trying to get men to even look at her or acknowledge her, and she didn't want to do that anymore. She didn't want to base how she saw herself on how others saw her or treated her. She wanted to love herself because she deserved grace and kindness, not because others gave her attention or affection. She didn't want to just fall in love with the idea of being in love. She wanted to fall in love with someone who would treat her with the utmost respect and compassion that she deserved.

Right as the two started to flirt with each other someone walked up to her desk and cleared their throat. "Morning beautiful, I brought you flowers." Lillie looked up to see Seth standing in front of her holding up a bouquet of lilies and daisies, her favorite flowers. "I just wanted to say thank you for last night. You really are the most wonderful girl in the world." When Lillie stood up to take the flowers from Seth, he leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. Before she could respond, she heard a loud noise from Jamie's desk. He had dropped his coffee mug and broke it. "Way to go Jamie, you truly are a klutz." Lillie giggled, thanked Seth for the flowers, and went back to work.

"Who is the new boyfriend Lillie?" James had a weird look on his face, and Lillie couldn't figure it out. "Oh Jamie, you are so silly. That's not my boyfriend. He's my good friend, and my study partner for A and P. He has been going through a really rough time, and I gave him a shoulder to lean on, so he wanted to thank me. He will never be anything more than my really good friend." She knew those words rang more true than James would ever understand. "I don't have a boyfriend Jamie, I am still taking applications." Lillie laughed at her silly little joke and went back to work. After taking a few calls, James stood up and went to her desk and sat down on the edge. "Can I fill out one of those applications?" He smirked at her, and melted her heart.

"Sure thing, I will bring one to work with me tomorrow." She laughed and smiled at him. She couldn't tell if he was serious, but the look in his eyes told her that it probably wasn't a joke. The rest of the day passed pretty quickly, and Lillie went home to get ready for her walk. On the way home, she called Kay. "Kay bear, I miss you! I haven't seen you in months! You need to come down this weekend so you can shake your ass at some local bars, get pissed up drunk, and take my mind off these stupid college classes. Nursing school is KILLING me." She rattled on a little more, and told Kay that they needed to party.

Before Lillie went to bed that night, she sat at her computer and pulled up a blank word document. She typed, until she was satisfied with the screen, laughed, and hit print.

Name _________________

 Age___________________

Criminal background_____________

Do you live A) with your parents? B) alone or C) with friends?

If you were going to take a girl out for a first date, where would you take her? ____________________

Have you ever cheated on a significant other before? __________________

How long do you wait before you expect your girlfriend to put out?__________________

Do you have any skeletons hiding in your closet? ______

Lillie put the paper in her purse, took her shower, and climbed in bed. Her eyes were closed and she was sleeping before her head hit the pillow. Lillie had still been very strict with her diet, walking every night, and hitting the gym once a day. She continued to drop weight, and needed to go shopping for some new clothes before she went out this weekend. Everything was starting to fall off of her. She was awakened by her phone ringing at two in the morning. "Hullo?" She whispered still half asleep, not even looking at the caller ID. "You better watch yourself bitch, your day is coming." The call freaked her out a little, and she had a hard time falling asleep.

Still very tired, Lillie barely did anything to get ready for work. She skipped her makeup for the first time ever, threw her hair into a ponytail, and found some clothes for work. It was going to be a long day. When she walked into work, James was already there. "Lilly Pad what's wrong? You look..... You look exhausted." She didn't want him to lecture her about the phone calls, so she just said she had a bad dream and hadn't slept much the night before. She dropped the mock application in front of him. "Here you go slick." She smiled. Within fifteen minutes, she had it back. "Jamie, my best friend is coming down this weekend and we're going out. I'll probably ask Seth to go, and I was wondering if you would like to go bar hopping with us too?"

He wanted nothing more than to spend an entire evening with his Lilly Pad outside of work, but didn't think he would tell her like that. "Um, sure. I'd like to get out seeing as it has been awhile. Do you want to go on Friday or Saturday?" He looked intently into her eyes. "Saturday, that way I can get my papers written before I am hung over and feeling like shit." She smiled at him. "Lil, it's a date." He smiled back.